Expletive Deleted
by marymo9
Summary: A series of comical one-shots. All the times that the Justice League women were heard cursing. Hawkgirl,Wonder Woman,Huntress and Canary all making appearances. This better be bleepin funny! Some femslash.
1. Bleeping Pickle Jar

I don't own the Justice League. (Bleep!) If I did, well, then you guys would see stuff like this...

* * *

"(_**Bleep**_)!" Diana yelled from the kitchen.

Shayera sighed, "Sweetheart, just get another snack."

Diana shouted, "I don't want another snack. I want a pickle. I can't believe that I can't get the (_**bleep'**_**in**) jar open."

Shayera grinned, but then quickly hid it when Diana looked at her. "Try running some warm water on the lid. That usually loosens it up."

"Fine." Diana gritted. She walked over to the sink and turned on the hot water. She waited a few moments and then stuck her finger in the stream. "(_**BLEEP**_) it!" she yelled. "Who's been messing with the hot water heater again? Seriously, can't we have a normal heater like everyone else? Why does every gadget in this god-(_**bleep**_) tower have to be jerry rigged to be hi-tech? Sometimes a blow dryer should just be a blow dryer. It isn't necessary to arm it with (_**bleep**_'**in**) lasers too!"

Shayera giggled again, and tried unsuccessfully hide it with a cough. "Calm down Diana. Run the water over the lid and try to open the jar."

Diana did, but she still couldn't get the lid off.

"**REALLY?**" Diana's face was red.

"Diana, relax. You know what else you can do? Take a knife out of the drawer and tap the lid a few times. That's bound to get it."

Diana stood frozen in her spot with a disgusted look on her face. Shayera smiled and waved her hands towards the utensil drawer.

Diana mumbled, "Just tap it on top. That'll do it. This is (_**bleep**_**ing**) retarded."

"I can hear you Diana."

Diana mumbled something less audible, and grabbed a knife out of the drawer. She grabbed the jar and tapped on the lid a few times agitatedly. She put the knife down and tried the lid again. It didn't budge.

"This is such bull(_**bleep**_)! I give up."

Shayera walked over to where Diana was standing. She reached out and hugged her companion. At first Diana didn't reciprocate. But then she sighed and gave in.

"Come on, let's get out of the kitchen." Shayera nudged Diana towards the door. Right as they reached the entranceway, Flash zoomed past them into the kitchen.

"Hey! Pickles!" He picked up the jar and opened it with no issue.

Diana heard the pop and her eyes went wide. She ran over to Flash and caught his hand before he put the pickle in his mouth.

"DROP. THAT. (_**BLEEP**_'ING). PICKLE."

Flash's jaw dropped and he let go of the prickly green snack. Diana caught it before it hit the ground, and violently bit it in half. She turned on her heels and stomped out of the kitchen.

Flash mumbled, "Geez, wonder what crawled up her (_**bleep**_) and died?"

* * *

A/N: And the silly antics begin! This will be an on-going series of one shots. Hope this one made you laugh. (Bleep) skippy there's more coming!


	2. Bleep Donald Duck

(Bleep) Donald Duck

* * *

"So how was your trip to Disney?" Diana asked as Dinah and Helena walked back through the tower.

Dinah grunted and kept walking leaving Diana confused and Helena laughing.

"Well, it was a magical adventure for sure." Helena said still laughing.

"What happened?"

"Let's see. It started with Space Mountain. Halfway through the ride, the coaster got stuck. We sat there for approximately 45 minutes until they got us off of it. By that time, the park was full of people. We had to wait several times in lines for rides that Dinah called (_**bleep**_**'in**) stupid. Her temper was worst on the It's a Small World ride. 15 minutes trapped in a boat with small wooden characters repeating the same song, **OVER AND OVER AND OVER. **Thank God there was no one on the boat directly behind us, because Dinah reached out and snapped the head off of one of the Dutch puppets. "

Diana began to laugh as well.

Huntress kept going, "Oh, there is more. We get off the Small World ride, and decide to ride the Haunted Mansion. At the end you roll by special mirrors and it looks like a ghost is sitting next to you. I may have said that would be what Dinah would look like when she got old, just like her mother. That went over **REAL WELL**. I am not sure but I think I heard her say 'See if I change your god-(_**bleep**_) diapers.' Pretty much her mood was ruined. But I asked if we could take one souvenir photo before we left. As we were walking out we saw Donald Duck. We walked up to him and got someone to take a picture. Apparently Donald is a pervert, because he goosed Dinah. That pretty much sent her over the edge. I watched her lean over and spit in his ear, 'PLUCK YOU DONALD!' Thank God she didn't say (_**bleep**_), cause that would have been so bad. Anyways, he put his hand to his mouth and shook his head in disapproval. She took offense to him shaking his head and yelled, 'OH YEAH DONALD, YOU THIRD RATE JOKE. GOOFY HAS BEEN GIVING IT TO DAISY! DOGGY STYLE!'

"Oh my…" Diana eyes went wide.

"Right? If that had been the end of it, well then ok, but oh no. Dinah didn't let it end there. She hit Donald knocking his beak around to the backside of his head. And that's when the day was officially ended. Security arrived to walk her out. Well, carry her out. She's been banned."

"Wow."

"Right?"

"So no more Disney trips?"

"Nope, but tomorrow I am making her go to Sea World!"

* * *

A/N: SO the goosing this actually happened to my sister. Dale goosed her. SO FRESH! Hope you laughed!


	3. Bleep Marvel Women

"Who the (_**bleep**_) is Emma Frost?" Shayera grumbled.

Her three friends looked up at the redhead.

Diana sighed, "Shayera, stop reading articles on the internet about female superheroes. You always end up getting mad. What do you care if people debate who could win in a fictitious fight?"

"Seriously Diana. Some dork on here thinks that the Marvel women could kick our (_**bleeps**_)! It says, and I quote, 'Emma Frost would be too much for Hawkgirl. The redhead is not known for her mental prowess, and as such the White Queen could easily take down her opponent.' Mother(_**bleep**_er) called me stupid. You should see what she wears! It isn't any wonder her (_**bleep**_) doesn't fall out."

Huntress and Canary snickered.

"I'm not sure why you two are laughing. You both are in here too."

Huntress and Canary stopped laughing.

"What's that (**bleep**) say?" Helena asked.

"And I quote, 'If given a choice between the Huntress and Psylocke, one would be wise to go with Betsy. Her fighting skills are beyond those of Helena's'. Well?"

"**WHAT?** What kind of (_**bleep**_ing) superhero name is Betsy?" Helena howled.

"Says here she is British."

"What does it say about me?" Canary interjected.

"Well apparently some (_**bleep**_) named Siren would shatter your ear drums. The writer goes onto say that your speaking voice is probably just as shrill as the Canary cry. He gave you a three."

"A three? A _**(bleep**_ing) three?" Dinah turned to Helena. "Call Oracle. Have her track these idiot bloggers down. We are going to pay these schmucks a visit. A three my (_**bleep**_)."

Diana rolled her eyes. "Seriously? This is ridiculous. You three are ridiculous. Stop reading that (_**bleep**_) Shayera."

Shayera turned her head to Diana. "So you don't care if you are mentioned as well?"

Diana crossed her arms. "No. I am not. This is silly, and you are getting worked up over nothing. Who cares what some kid living in his mother's basement thinks?"

"Huh. Really?" Shayera turned back to the computer screen. "Wonder Woman is old."

"**WHAT?**" Diana yelled.

"Even Lynda Carter couldn't make her cool. Spinning around quickly changing her clothes is lame. She would easily be beaten by She-Hulk."

"Who the (_**bleep**_) is that?" Diana looked over Shayera's shoulder. "Who in their right mind thinks that the (_**bleep**_ing) Jolly Green Giant could take me out? Dumb (_**bleep**_). These people better hope that their houses never catch fire, or that they end up in the middle of a bank robbery. She's the Grinch on steroids!"

Shayera shrugged. "I dunno. She's kind of cute."

* * *

A/N: Hehehehe...god this made me laugh. For the record, I love the Marvel women too...and I don't live in my mother's basement. No offense intended to those who do, or for anyone named Betsy for that matter. Leave me a review. I thrive on them. And I have a small list of situations that I pick from and write for. If there is something you want to see, let me know. I will give it a shot eventually if I can!


	4. Bleeping Bumper Lanes

"This game is (_**bleep**_ing) stupid." Shayera grumbled.

Huntress, Canary, and Wonder Woman laughed. Shayera had rolled eight gutter balls in a row. Diana walked over and placed her hands on Shayera's shoulders. "Shayera, it's okay. Bowling is supposed to be fun."

"Bull(_**bleep**_). That's what this game is." came the jaded reply.

"Canary is up next. Just watch her." Diana sighed.

Canary grabbed her ball and approached the lane. She swung her arm back and then forward, releasing the ball.

"Strike!" she squealed as she jumped up and down.

"Of (_**bleep**_'ing) course" Shayera mumbled.

Huntress walked up and repeated the action. "Strike!" She threw her hands up in triumphant celebration.

"This is a huge cosmic joke. I know it is." Shayera mumbled again. She was right. Diana rolled a strike as well.

"Shock." Shayera was beyond pissed off.

Diana walked over to where Shayera was sitting. "Sweetheart, come on, I'll help you."

"Better get the bumper lanes for her." Huntress whispered to Canary. Both women snickered. Diana shot them an ugly look and they instantly went quiet.

"Grab your ball Shayera."

Shayera picked up the ball and held it in her hands.

"Now put your fingers in the holes."

Huntress chuckled, "That's what she said!"

Shayera spun around, "Really? Real (_**bleep**_'in) helpful."

Huntress slid over and hid behind Dinah. Dinah leaned back and whispered, "At least you didn't make the obvious joke…"

"Which is?"

Canary giggled, "Two in the pink, one in the stink."

"Gross babe." Both women laughed anyways.

Diana turned Shayera to face the pins. "Okay, take it slow. Swing your arm back, and keep your wrist straight."

Shayera complied and rolled the ball down the alley. Eventually it struck the head pin straight on, and the other pins started to fall. Shayera turned and jumped up and down. "I did it!"

But the faces she saw were those of shock, not of pride.

"What?" she asked exasperated.

She turned around and looked at the pins. Two were still standing. The seven and the ten. Shayera threw up her hands frustrated, "WHAT A BUNCH OF BULL(_**BLEEP**_)!" She instantly started walking down the lane towards the two traitorous pins. About halfway down the lane she slipped on some oil. She slid side to side and stumbled, but managed to right herself. She looked at the seven and then at the ten. Shayera leaned over and picked up the seven. She slipped over to the ten, and swinging hard, knocked down the other one standing. Satisfied and smiling she walked back up the lane, tossing the seven over her shoulder.

When she reached her friends they all had stunned looks on their faces.

"What?"

But no one answered. Shayera shrugged her shoulders and looked at Diana. "Mark that down as a spare."

* * *

A/N: And it conintues...let me know what you thougt!


	5. Bleeping Pop Ups

Huntress, Canary, Hawkgirl, and Wonder Woman sat around trying to figure out what they wanted to do with their night off.

"We could always go bowling again…" Helena looked at Shayera with a huge grin on her face.

"(_**Bleep**_) you Helena. " Shayera stated.

"A simple no would have been fine." Helena laughed.

"How about a movie?" Diana asked.

The other three women shrugged nonchalantly. Dinah got up and walked over to a computer terminal and opened up the internet to look for movie times.

"What the (_**bleep**_) is this?" she said suddenly.

The other women walked over and peered over her shoulder. Several pornographic sites were popping up.

"Flash has been downloading porn again! I thought J'onn told him about this. We end up with (_**bleep**_'ing) pop ups and viruses."

Shayera turned her head to the side in conjunction with the action on the monitor, "From the looks of it, the computer isn't the only thing getting viruses. Seriously, I don't think you are supposed to stuff it all at once with that many…"

Helena interjected, "Is that a (_**bleep**_'ing) bologna sandwich? What pornographic purpose does that serve?"

Dinah quickly clicked the "X" at the corner, and immediately another site popped up.

"**GROSS!**" Diana squealed.

Dinah muttered, "I would never have thought it was possible to violate a rubber ducky like that."

She clicked on the "X" again, and once more another site popped up.

"Two girls, one cup…at least the title seems…oh dear LORD!" Dinah quickly clicked on the "X".

"I guess soft serve ice cream is out of the question now." Shayera mumbled.

Dinah continued to click furiously as several more sites popped up. Behind her she heard random statements.

"Was that a midget?"

"Turn the pool jets on…no way you can stick it in there then."

"Something that size won't fit! Nevermind…"

"Did she just do that **DRY**?"

"No one makes that much noise…"

"You do."

"Hope she packs ice on her thighs after that."

"What's that position called?"

"Spelunking."

"What the (_**bleep**_) is spelunking?"

"Exploration of caverns."

"WHAT?"

"Hotdog down a hallway…"

"I bet his palms are hairy too…"

"People over sixty do this too?"

"Did she just pull her dentures out?"

"You think Flash cleans up after he leaves?"

"GROSS!" Dinah quickly shut the computer off, and wiped her hands on Helena's cape. "Sick. I may have touched Flash's kids just now."

The four stood around in silence. Diana finally broke it. "I can never un-see any of this can I?"

The other three shook their heads. Just then Flash entered the room. "Hey guys, I didn't realize this room was occupied. I'll come back later."

"Wait!" Helena cried. "I have a question for you."

"What's up?" Flash asked.

"What the (_**bleep**_) is the bologna sandwich for?"

* * *

A/N: People at Starbucks were staring at me while I wrote this chapter. I don't think it is rude to laugh out loud in a public place...PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW FOR THIS ONE. I am dying to know if you found it as funny as I did.


	6. Bleep Marvel Women Again

A/N: You guys are awesome. I got a lot of messages about doing a sequel to the Marvel Women one-shot. Here it is...

* * *

Wonder Woman walked into a room where she saw Shayera typing furiously on the computer. Diana walked over to the woman and looked over her shoulder.

"This (bleep) again?"

"Hush Diana." Shayera quipped. "I am in the middle of a debate right now. We'll see who wins this time."

Diana read the screen:

_Lingerieispratical wrote: No way the White Queen loses to Hawkgirl. Telepathy is hardcore. Emma would scramble the redhead's brain. More so than it already is…_

_Angrymacewielder replied: Telepathy huh? Hard to use it when the mace leaves a hole in the side of her head._

_Lingerieispractical wrote: That's assuming she gets to her target first. Emma would drop her in the sky like all those dead birds in Wisconsin._

_Angrymacewielder replied: Dead birds? Hysterical. Bet that is what her (bleep) smells like. She really needs to put some clothes on._

_Lingerieispractical wrote: This coming from a Justice League follower? Wonder Woman's costume looks like something a third grader wears to a dance recital._

Wonder Woman's eyes went wide. "A dance recital? (Bleep) this idiot."

Shayera looked back at Diana. "You want me to type that?"

Diana shook her head. "No Shayera. Move." Diana practically shoved Shayera out of the chair.

_Menarenottobetrusted wrote: Emma Frost is a hooker. She's had more balls in her hole than a golf course._

Somewhere in the world, Emma Frost grunted. Jean Grey walked over to her and read what she was typing on the computer.

"Really Em? Debating this trash again? What's the purpose?"

"It's a psychological study in human behavior. And besides I am defending our honor."

"Looks like someone thinks your honor is a little questionable."

Emma turned her head back to the monitor.

_Lingerieispractical wrote_: _Name calling? Typical of the mentality of a fan of the Justice League. The whole Tower is full of panty waste, third rate super-zeroes._

Menarenottobetrusted replied: _OH, because the X-Men are cool? Yeah, Wolverine is the man. At least no one in the Justice League thinks flannel is awesome._

_Lingerieispractical wrote: I can't argue that one. But every superhero group has one moron. I think yours is called Booster Gold. _

Shayera read the last line. She shrugged her shoulders. "That's valid."

_Menarenottobetrusted replied: Fine, choose your group. Who are the X-Men bringing to the table?_

_Lingerieispractical wrote: Besides Emma Frost? Who we have already established as being amazing? How about Gambit, Rogue, Beast, and the Phoenix?_

Jean Grey nodded. "That ought to shut them up."

_Angrymacewielder replied: Beast? What is he going to do? Planning on trying to choke the Justice Leaguers with hairballs? The guy looks like an over-grown Stitch. As for Gambit, what's he going to do throwing playing cards? Must be deadly giving people paper cuts. Lame. And let's discuss Rogue. So she absorbs people's powers. Big whoop. On a side note, when she touches herself whose memories does she get then? Her priest's? Or her creepy uncle's?_

"Good one Shayera." Wonder Woman laughed.

"Thanks." Shayera smiled widely.

Emma sat back and looked at Jean. "I guess they have nothing to say about you."

"What could they say? They are beat."

_Lingerieispractical wrote: Nothing for the Phoenix?_

_Menarenottobetrusted replied: She is the least scariest. Let me ask you this. When the Phoenix fire comes out full force, does it burn her blowhole too? Cause that would suck. Seriously, give her some preparation H and I bet she isn't so angry._

Jean Grey's eyes went wide as Emma Frost chuckled. "Those (_**bleep**_) holes!"

_Lingerieispractical wrote: You might be right about the blowhole thing. Ok, who is the Justice League sending?_

_Angrymacewielder replied: Five on five? Hawkgirl, Wonder Woman, Superman, Green Lantern, and Batman._

_Lingerieispractical wrote: We have already established that Shayera Hol is pathetic. Her choice in men is laughable. Nevermind she can't seem to hang onto them either. As for her super powers, the X-Men would pluck her like a chicken. Is that what Thanagarians are? Wonder Woman probably needs to get laid. But that is hard to do when you are banned from an island full of women. How do they multiple by the way? Turkey basters? Superman is a joke. Superman, really? What kind of name is that? Was Awesome Man taken? Someone already cornered the market on the name Fantastic Boy? Oh wait, his girlfriend named him. You know, the reporter who is fooled by (__**bleeping**__) glasses. And Kansas? Come on, is that even a recognized state anymore? AND I think he might be gay. Who refuses to use X-ray vision for what it is so clearly designed to be used for? Who else was there?_

_Angrymacewielder replied: The Green Lantern and Batman._

_Lingerieispractical wrote: Right. One of which is Hawkgirl's ex. I think for the Lantern a little finger breaking would be in order. Then shove them straight up his nose. Hmmm…maybe that is why boogers are green. As for Batman, he is annoying. Years of brooding. It's probably because he has no friends in the Batcave. Wait, I take back the whole Superman is gay thing. It's definitely Batman. How else do you explain Robin? They should change their names. You could call them The Pitcher and the Catcher. Fitting I think…unless those are the secret identities of Hawk and Dove?_

"Nice one Emma." Jean laughed.

"It's probably true you know. Have you seen those two?" the blonde replied.

Simultaneously alarms went off in the Tower and in the Mansion. The women sighed. "Here we go again." The women logged off their computers and responded to the same disturbance...

* * *

Second A/N: Eventually I will do a follow up to this one as well...just not right away. This could have been it's own story. Thanks for the reviews and messages. AND, a special thank you to BladeMaster357. Some of these ideas have belonged to him/her. Again with that...


	7. Bleep Gag Gifts

Diana opened her gift slowly. Her three companions waited patiently with huge grins on their faces. When Diana finally got the box open, she simply stared down at the object inside.

"Well?" Helena asked.

Diana furrowed her brows. "It's, uhh…well, what the (_**bleep**_) is this?"

The three women snickered.

"Take it out Diana. "

Diana reached in the box and pulled the barbell shaped object out. She held it in her hand and rotated it around trying to figure out what it was.

"It's a shake weight Diana. Do you like it?" Shayera asked giggling.

"A what? What is a shake weight?" Diana asked.

"The latest technology in exercise equipment. It's all the rage with housewives. Well, maybe not housewives, but the husbands seem to like it." Dinah answered.

Diana was confused. "I still have no idea what this (_**bleep**_'ing) thing is."

"There's a switch on the side Diana. Turn it on." Helena laughed.

"Why? Why are you three laughing? What's this thing do? And why is it called a shake weight?"

"Turn it on and find out."

Diana sighed and turned on the gift. It immediately started shaking up and down in her hand. Diana still sat confused as the weight gyrated in her hand. "What (_**bleep**_'ing) purpose does this serve?"

"Of course the Amazon would have no idea…" Dinah laughed.

"Seriously, it just shakes? What type of exercise is this?"

"Cardio for men. But it tones the forearm for women. Plus it strengthens the grip of the user." Shayera giggled.

"What's wrong with my grip? And why is this cardio?" Diana just stared at the vibrating dumbbell.

"Hold it with two hands. See if that makes a difference." Helena barely managed to get the thought out. Her cheeks were beginning to hurt.

Diana nodded and placed her second hand around the object. Her boobs began to jiggle as well.

"I still don't get it. All this thing does is shake in my hands. There seems to be no purpose to this. Is there a name for these exercises?" Diana's lip curled in deeper confusion.

Helena started, "Well, if you use it in just the left hand, it's called the stranger."

"What?" Diana was thoroughly mystified. "What kind of (_**bleep**_'ing) name is that for an exercise?"

Helena continued, "If you hold it behind you, it's called the reach behind." Shayera and Dinah began to tear up from laughing. "And if you have someone in front of you when you do it, it's called the reach around."

"Are you guys making this (_**bleep**_) up? People really do this?"

Diana's companions couldn't answer. They were too busy rolling on the floor.

"I have no idea why you guys think this is so funny. This (_**bleep**_) is pointless."

Helena raised her hand up, "Wait, don't you want to know what the two handed exercise is called?"

Diana arched her eyebrow.

"THE SUPERMAN!" Helena squealed.

'Why on Earth would…" Diana eyes went wide with the sudden realization. She instantly dropped the weight, completely grossed out. "You guys are (_**bleep**_)holes."

* * *

A/N: Let me know what you thought!


	8. Bleeping Mardi Gras

"I don't know that it was such a good idea to bring Diana here. Does she even know what Mardi Gras is?" Helena asked her two companions.

Dinah and Shayera shrugged.

"Seriously, you know some drunken (_**bleep**_)hole is going to ask her to flash him. That can't possibly turn out good." Helena continued.

"Maybe that won't happen." Shayera suggested.

"R-I-G-H-T. Have you seen the size of her fun bags?" Helena asked while holding her hands in front of her chest.

Shayera blushed.

"What am I saying? Of course you (_**bleep**_ing) have. They are very noticeable is what I meant. Ten seconds on the street and I am sure she will be propositioned. That won't go over well."

"She'll be fine. We'll tell her that it's a huge party and some people will be enjoying themselves more than others. She's a big girl. It won't get to her." Dinah offered.

Helena rolled her eyes. "We are talking about Diana here."

Dinah interjected, "Shayera, she's your girlfriend. Control the situation please."

"**WHAT?** Control the situation? Whose (_**bleep**_ing) bright idea was this? **YOURS DINAH**. That means you handle it."

"Oh no! You think I am going to get in the middle of that (_**bleep**_)?"

"Really, what's the worst that could happen?" Shayera asked.

A rapid string of responses came spewing forth from her companions.

"Motor boating."

"Tune in Tokyo."

"Num, num, num…"

"Honk, honk."

Shayera threw her hands up to silence her friends. "I get the (_**bleep**_ing) picture. I'll talk to her."

Helena laughed, "How many of those have you two done?"

Shayera stuck her tongue out in response.

Dinah laughed, and then her face grew serious. "I just thought of something else." She looked at Shayera, "You better not flash anyone either. That might actually be worse. " She turned her attention to Helena. "You aren't planning on doing that either I hope."

"No sweetheart." Helena responded rolling her eyes again.

"Maybe this was a bad idea to come here." Shayera grumbled.

Just then Diana entered the hotel room. "What is taking you three so long? There's a massive party in the streets!"

"**WHAT. THE. (**_**BLEEP)**_**. ARE. THOSE?**" Shayera squealed pointing at Diana's neck.

Dinah and Helena blinked a few times. Around Diana's neck were several strands of beads.

"Uhh…" Diana stammered. "Gotta go!" She quickly ran out of the room.

Shayera's face went red and she bolted over to her luggage.

"What are you doing?" Helena asked.

"Looking for my mace! I'm sure I packed the (_**bleep**_ing) thing!"

* * *

A/N: Motor boating...hehehehehe.


	9. The third and bleeping final time

"Emma, come to bed. What are you doing?"

"Checking my email."

"Why would you lie to a fellow telepath?"

"You know what I am doing. Why are you even asking?"

Jean sighed. "This is getting (**_bleep_**ing) ridiculous."

"Whatever. Are you helping or not?"

Jean rolled her eyes, but pulled back the covers. "Bring you laptop over here. Let me see what it's all about this time."

_Lingerieispractical wrote: Ready for another round?_

_Angrymacewielder replied: Oh yeah. Whatcha got?_

_Lingerieispractical wrote: Storm, Cyclops, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, and Iceman._

_Angrymacewielder replied: This is too easy. First off, Storm looks like she has electrocuted herself a few times. Frizz is simply unacceptable. I will say that she does have one thing going for her. If she ever starts a tidal wave, her boobs could be used as flotation devices. Cyclops is a (**bleep**) hole. And why is his name Cyclops? Does he only have one eye? Whoever gave him his name is a moron. Speaking of morons, that leads me to Wolverine. Why is he so angry? Must be because his hair sticks straight up like his claws. Even Edward Scissorhands had a half way decent haircut. Or perhaps it is because he stinks. Literally. Someone please tell him that soap has been invented. Nightcrawler…isn't that a stinky worm people fish with? Another stupid name. The X-Men are full of them. I can't totally (**bleep**) on Nightcrawler though. Disappearing and reappearing is kind of cool. How many times has he got stuck in a wall? And Iceman…it must really suck to be him. Doesn't everything get smaller when it's cold? That's a small (**bleep**) joke in case you aren't that bright. And he literally has blue balls doesn't he? Can he get his tongue stuck to himself? Oh, and one other thing. Cyclops is a (**bleep**)hole. I know I already said that, but it bears repeating._

Emma looked at Jean. "Cyclops **is** a (**_bleep_**) hole. I am beginning to think that this person isn't such a complete idiot."

Jean grinned. "Enough about Scott. We all have one we regret. Come to think of it, why is his name Cyclops?"

Emma shrugged and went back to typing.

_Lingerieispractical wrote: No arguments here about Cyclops. But moving on, pick your team._

_Angrymacewielder replied: So many to choose from…how about Martian Manhunter, Flash, Vixen, Green Arrow, and the Question?_

_Lingerieispractical wrote: And you said my list was easy? You know what Martian Manhunter really does with his powers? Cross dresses. I bet he has worn more skirts than Elton John. Not that I have anything against cross dressers. To each his own. But be honest about it. Was he on the TV show my favorite Martian? And what's with the Manhunter part of his name? Flash, Flash, Flash…he does **EVERYTHING** quickly I bet. Just like a microwave. Stick it in and "ding", done in two minutes. Vixen is a tramp. And you say Emma Frost is bad? Who names themselves Vixen? How about Trollop? Tramp? Hussy? Hooker? Skank? I really think the only animal that suits her is the jackass. Does she bray when she kicks? Her teeth certainly fall into line with that animal. Can she gnaw an apple through a fence post?_

Somewhere in the Watch Tower, Shayera and Diana laughed.

"Vixen has buck teeth? That's pretty funny. I am starting to like this person."

_Lingerieispractical wrote: Green Arrow? Hmm…Peter Pan hit puberty. And I don't care how amazing your super powers might be, **and he has none**, green tights are **NEVER** acceptable. Throw on a cod piece and he'd be all set for the Renaissance fair. And I would like to thank you for bringing up the Question. How does one read, drive, fight with no face? And is it really to protect his identity? Who couldn't pick that (**bleep**) hole out of a line up? Gee, officer, I am pretty sure it's number two, you know, the one **WITHOUT** the face. Lame. So very lame._

_Angrymacewielder replied: I have to agree with your assessment about the Green Arrow and the Question. That's probably why their ex-girlfriends are lesbians now._

_Lingerieispractical wrote: WHAT?_

_Angrymacewielder replied: Huh? What? Nothing. Just a guess. I think if I dated Peter Pan I would be gay too._

_Lingerieispractical wrote: Who is this?_

_Angrymacewielder replied: No one. Gotta go. See you around. How about tomorrow? Same bat time, same bat channel…_

Emma looked at Jean. "Didn't you find that a bit odd at the end?"

Jean snuggled closer to the blonde. "What, that you are probably going to log on tomorrow and do this (_**bleep**_) all over again? Or that there might be two superhero women out there that are mmmm…familiar to each other?"

Emma smiled. "Neither. I meant that someone would know that."

Jean leaned over and whispered in Emma's ear giggling, "What I know is that this (**_bleep_**) will get real old if my girlfriend keeps bringing her laptop to bed. Especially when there are far more interesting items at hand."

* * *

A/N: So I turned it around a bit featured Jean/Emma as a couple. Foreshadowing to a future fic. Hope you liked this installment. Going away for the weekend to try and regain my social life. NO updates til next week. Love you guys!


	10. Bleep the Birds of Prey

"What is this (_**bleep**_)?" Canary looked at Huntress.

Helena cocked her head to the side. "Dunno. Why are you 15?"

"Right? And I don't have psychic powers."

"And I don't think she has the Canary cry."

"Who wrote this (_**bleep**_)?" Dinah asked.

Helena shook her head. "At least they sort of got me right."

"True…well almost."

"What's that mean?"

"Well, she's obviously cuter and fights better. Funny though, I am not sure I like her hair. The costume though, is, well, WOW!"

Helena grunted, "Really Dinah? Hmm, well at least there is one upside to this."

"Which is?"

"Your mom is HOT!"

"WHAT?"

"Your mom, Lori Laughlin, the real Black Canary, soooo fine."

"Did you just say my mom is hot?"

"Yeah, I mean she was cute on Fullhouse, but here, whoa!"

"Stop looking at my fictitious mother!"

"Fine. But then you stop looking at, well, that version of me that you so clearly prefer over the real thing."

"I do not prefer her. This is silly."

"So you don't like her outfit more than mine?"

"Well,"

"And she fights better than I do?"

"Somewhat, I mean…"

"Then your (bleeping) mom is hot."

Dinah huffed. "Stop talking about my mom!"

Helena smirked. "Why? She isn't your real mom. And you know what else I realized here?"

"What?"

"Oracle is pretty hot too. And there's obviously chemistry between the two of us."

"WHAT?"

"Mmmhmmm, at least they got that right. I always did have a thing for red heads. You seem to be a (_**bleep**_ing) third wheel."

Dinah stuttered, "T-T-Third wheel?"

Both women turned their backs to each other and crossed their arms. Diana and Shayera walked by the room and looked at their two agitated friends.

Shayera sighed, "Again with this (_**bleep**_)?"

Diana said, "I thought you guys weren't going to do this anymore."

Helena grunted, and Dinah rolled her eyes.

"This (_**bleep**_) was cancelled anyways. It's obviously crap." Shayera stated. "Guys?"

Diana shook her head, and led Shayera out of the room. "Let them fight about the Birds of Prey television show. It's just as ridiculous as they are."

A few minutes passed with neither woman saying anything. Finally, Dinah gave in, and turned around. She placed her hands on Helena's shoulders. "Babe, I don't think the television version of you is hotter. The real version is much more…delectable. " she whispered the last part of her sentence in Helena's ear. Helena stiffened.

Dinah continued, "And no way she fights better than you. Everything she does is choreographed. Your moves are…much more fluid." Dinah nipped Helena's ear with her lips. "And the chemistry between her and Oracle on the show is nothing compared to what we have…"

Helena grinned and spun around and pinned Dinah to the couch. She grabbed the other woman's hands and forced them above her head. "We do have pretty amazing chemistry." Her lips hovered inches above Dinah's. Dinah closed her eyes and waited…for a kiss that never came.

Helena laughed. "But I stand by what I said earlier. Your mom is so hot!"

Dinah's eyes opened and watched as Helena laughed on top of her. Dinah shoved her off the couch and began beating her girlfriend with one of the cushions. "You are such a (**_bleep_**) hole. Even my character couldn't carry the show with your crap acting. Lori Laughlin, really?"

* * *

A/N: And here we go again...


	11. Odiferous Bleeping Emanations

The four women stood in the elevator taking the long ride down to the control room. Dinah began yawning, and then suddenly started gagging.

"Which one of you (_**bleep**_s) just did that? Come on, my mouth was open!" Dinah yelled once she finished coughing.

"What are you babbling…SICK!" Shayera suddenly shouted. She instantly pinched her nostrils closed.

Helena sniffed the air involuntarily then covered her face with her cape. "Who's the wise guy that (_**bleep**_ing) farted?"

Shayera laughed, "Yeah Dinah! First one smelt it, dealt it."

Dinah squealed, "Oh (_**bleep**_) no! First one did the rhyme did the crime."

Helena giggled, "Who had eggs for breakfast? Seriously, someone needs to go release the hostages. It can't be healthy holding that (_**bleep**_) in."

The three women looked at Diana suspiciously.

"What?" asked the Amazon. "I didn't do that. I didn't even eat breakfast this morning."

Helena replied, "Well one of you nasty heifers did. Fess up."

"What was the saying we had as a kid? Better to fart and bear the shame than not to fart and bear the pain?" Dinah giggled.

"Yeah, except that no one is bearing the shame, and I am in agony in this (_**bleep**_ing) elevator." Shayera laughed still holding her nose.

"Why is there no ventilation in this (_**bleep**_ing) thing? I feel like I am suffocating. And why am I sweating?" Helena wiped her brow.

"Seriously, who did that?" Dinah asked.

The other women all shook their heads while smiling.

"Well, there is only one way to solve this. Diana, use the lasso. Someone needs to tell the (_**bleep**_ing) truth." Shayera insisted.

"That's a bit juvenile, don't you think?" Diana asked.

"It is juvenile, and I still think you should do it. I want to know who farted!" Shayera stated.

"Okay. But I think this really abuses the nature of the lasso." Diana laughed.

"Well someone has abused my sense of smell, and I want to know who." Dinah replied.

Diana untied the lasso from her hip and placed it around Shayera. "Shayera, you know you have to tell the truth now. Did you just fart in the elevator?"

"No. It wasn't me." Shayera simply stated.

"Okay, but before I remove the lasso I have one more thing. Have you ever been flying somewhere and picked your nose and just flicked it randomly with no concern to who you might hit? Or have you ever just wiped one on something randomly in the Tower?"

Shayera's face went red, but she couldn't stop the answer, "Yes."

The other three women laughed. Diana removed the lasso and placed it over Dinah. "Dinah, was it you that just farted in the elevator?"

"No," came the honest answer.

"Ok, and here's your supplemental question. Have you ever picked up a pair of underwear off the floor and sniffed the crotch to see if they were clean?"

All 3 women laughed again as Dinah muttered, "Yes."

Diana removed the lasso and placed it around Helena. "Ok, Helena, was it you who farted in the elevator?"

"No."

Diana laughed as the realizations sat in on the other three women who the offender had been.

"One more question. Have you ever sniffed your fingers after they have been somewhere rather unpleasant smelling on your body?"

"Y-Yes."

Diana laughed harder, and removed the lasso. "Thanks guys. I trust no one will be telling anyone that I farted in the elevator."

All three women groaned, but replied in unison, "No."

At that precise moment the elevator doors opened to the floor the women were headed to. Flash stood at the doors waiting for everyone to file out. When he got on he immediately yelled, "**HEY!** Who crop dusted?"

The four women turned around and shrugged.

Flash mumbled, "I didn't even know that women (_**bleep**_ing) farted."

* * *

A/N: This has to be one of my favorites so far...what did you think?


	12. Just bleeping put it in your mouth

"Stop playing with it with your fingers and put it in your mouth already." Dinah giggled.

"No." Helena replied suspiciously.

'Why not?"

"Cause it's (_**bleep**_ing) jiggly."

"Well if you keep poking it, it's bound to jiggle."

"Don't you find that strange?"

"No."

"And why is it so (_**bleep**_ing) squishy?"

Dinah laughed at her girlfriend. "Helena, really."

Helena just stared and poked it again with her finger. It jiggled once more. "See?" asked the black haired woman.

"Yes, sweetheart. I see it."

"And you want me to put it in my mouth?"

"That's usually how it's done."

"I can't Dinah." Helena scrunched her nose. "It doesn't seem right somehow."

"Don't you trust me?"

"Yes…" came the sketchy reply.

"Then put it in your mouth. I promise you will like it."

"Ummm….no."

"You're killing me Helena."

"Stop pressuring me. No means no. I don't want to." Helena whined like a petulant child.

"Babe, you said you wanted to try something different."

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind. In fact, this is **VERY** far from what I had in mind."

Dinah grinned. "What did you have in mind?"

Helena smiled, "You know it wasn't this."

Dinah laughed again. "Just put it in your mouth. If you hate it, then we can scratch it off of the list of things to try."

Dinah leaned over and sniffed it. "**NO**. It isn't normal."

"Helena, for goodness sakes, just do it."

"What are you going to say next to me? Everybody's doing it?"

"Several people have found it enjoyable, yes."

"All the cool kids are doing it?"

"Helena, love, a lot of people do it. And yes, they find it very delectable. And I am starting to get impatient with you. Just put it in your mouth and let's get this (_**bleep**_ing) show on the road."

Helena stuck her tongue out hesitantly, and licked it, but quickly put her tongue back in her mouth. "No. I can do a lot of things, but this is pushing my boundaries."

"What (_**bleep**_ing) boundaries? You have none. I can't believe how incredibly childish you are being about this."

"Dinah, I love you, but you are asking for too much. This isn't right." She poked it again with her finger. It jiggled again and Helena sat back eyeing it once more with suspicion.

"Fine, Helena. Will you feel better if I do it first?"

"Maybe…"

Dinah sighed. "Fine." She reached over and took a piece of tofu off of Helena's plate and popped it in her mouth. She chewed it, swallowed, and smiled. "See? There is nothing to it. Try it. It really is good."

"Was it squishy in your mouth? I don't trust the texture. And what exactly is it?"

Dinah laughed once more. "Helena, try the tofu. If you do, I will reward you. How does that sound?"

"What do I get?"

"What do you want?"

Helena grinned lasciviously. "I get to pick what the next new thing we try is."

Dinah rolled her eyes. "Fine, now put the (_**bleep**_ing) tofu in your mouth."

Helena looked back at her plate. "I really want my reward, but this is…icky looking."

"This coming from the person who told me she used to eat chunky paste as a kid."

"That is entirely different. I was five, and it was really good!"

"It certainly explains a whole (_**bleep**_) of a lot."

Helena scowled at the tofu, and then picked it up. She pinched it a couple of times with her fingers and then popped it into her mouth. She began chewing it with obvious disgust on her face, and she was not chewing with her mouth closed. "This is gross. " She spit it out on her plate, and began scratching furiously on her tongue to get rid of the taste.

"How old are you?" Dinah laughed.

"Too old to be eating (_**bleep**_) I don't want to. When do I get my reward?"

Dinah laughed. "For what? You didn't swallow! I don't reward spitters! And that's a shame, because I was at Victoria's Secret earlier."

Helena's eyes went wide at the thought. She grabbed several pieces of tofu and shoved them in her mouth. She chewed quickly, making various distorted faces, and then swallowed the food.

Dinah leaned over and patted Helena's head. "Good girl."

"So vile…"

"Was it really that bad?"

"Yes. It offended my sensibilities completely."

"You want your reward now?"

Helena smirked, but then shook her head. "I can't. I have a (_**bleep**_ing) stomach ache now."

Dinah sighed. "Really? Come on, let's go get you some Pepto."

"Ewww, gross. What is that stuff anyways? No. I can't put that in my mouth either."

"Guess you won't be putting anything else in your mouth tonight then hmmm?" Dinah laughed while cocking any eyebrow.

Helena opened her mouth to reply, but then closed it, smiling. "Funny. Do you think there is chunky paste somewhere on the Tower?"

"Why?"

"Because that is the something new we will be trying next. And no spitting…"

* * *

A/N: Chunky paste was really good when I was five. Too much on the tongue depressor I used to dip into it with would definitely not go over well though. Tofu or paste? Life is full of tough choices...


	13. Public Bathrooms are Bleeping Gross

"Dinah, where is my drink?"

"I threw it out in the trash Helena. You were done with it."

Helena became a little aggravated. "No I wasn't. There was at least half left."

"I don't care. The moment you brought it in here you were done as far as I am concerned."

"What? What (_**bleep**_ing) sense does that make?"

Dinah rolled her eyes. "Look around you Helena. Where are we?"

"In a public restroom."

"Exactly."

"Dinah, really, why did you throw my drink out?"

"Because Helena. The moment you brought it in here, it became contaminated."

"WHAT?"

"Seriously, you cannot drink it after you brought in here. You know how many (_**bleep**_ing) germs there are circulating?"

"I set it on the sink. I didn't take it into the stall with me, and it had a lid on it."

"It doesn't matter. It's still infected."

"Infected? With what? This is (_**bleep**_ing) ridiculous."

"Well you should be thanking me. I just saved your life. You have no idea what you would have swallowed. "

Helena laughed. "You might be slightly insane. What germs are in here that aren't outside, or anywhere else I might potentially take my drink?"

"Poo germs, Helena, poo germs." Dinah said straight faced.

Helena stared at her companion for a moment, and then exploded laughing. "Did you just say poo germs? Holy (_**bleep**_) Dinah. How old are you?"

Dinah crossed her arms, "I am serious. Haven't you ever seen the stories they do on Discovery? Public restrooms are practically crawling with nasty things everywhere."

"And yet we are standing in here debating this silly (_**bleep**_ing) topic. Aren't the germs crawling on you now?"

"No."

"But they would invade my drink like a little angry army?"

Dinah huffed. "You just don't get it!"

"Apparently, but tell me sweetheart, is there anything else that I should know about public restrooms?"

Dinah just stood still and glared at Helena. After a few moments of silence, Dinah sighed. "There is one other thing."

Helena grinned. "I simply cannot wait to hear this (_**bleep**_)."

Dinah scowled, "You really should be grateful that I care about what happens to you."

Helena giggled, and then hugged Dinah. "I'm sorry, please tell me."

"No."

"Please. I promise not to laugh."

"Fine. Not that you deserve to know, but you have to be safe."

Helena bit back a chuckle. "I'm listening…"

"You have to unroll the paper a little bit, break it off, and toss it in the toilet, and then the next little bit is safe to use."

Helena bit her bottom lip while grinning. "And why is that?"

Dinah railed, "Because Helena, some (_**bleep**_) hole used the facilities before you and may have had no control on how it unwound. It probably hit the ground after they used it, and then they rolled it back up."

Helena's chest shook with mirth, but no sound passed her lips. "Really? Wow. How much thought have you put into this?"

"It's probably an epidemic. And it's better to be safe than sorry. Do you really want to wipe your (_**bleep**_) with something that has been on the floor in any public restroom?"

Helena couldn't hold back the laughter that she was trying to contain. "I- I am sorry. Really Dinah, I can't believe this conversation."

"I can't believe that this never crossed your mind. Gross Helena."

"What? I wash my hands!"

Dinah rolled her eyes, and left the bathroom.

Helena sighed, and looked in the trash can where her drink was sitting on top of the stack of used paper towels. "Oh well, I guess there really is no 5 second rule in here."

* * *

A/N: This series must be some sort of weird therapy for me, because I am with Dinah on this one. No drink touches my lips if I forget and take it into the bathroom. (Shudders) Gross...hehehehehe. And while I am not admitting to the toilet paper thing, well, I may or may not do that too!


	14. Bleep Melissa Etheridge

Disclaimer: While this chapter is hardly dirty per se, it is femmeslah. If you don't like it, I really have no idea why you would read anything I write! On a side note, I have written a few more chapters for the X-Men crossover, but FF has an error message post every time I try and load a new chapter up. So this will have to do...

* * *

"Do we have a song?"

"A what?"

"A song. You know most couples have a song that they feel identifies their relationship."

"I dunno. Did you have one in mind?"

"No, and since you don't either, what does that say about us?"

"Ummm, that we don't listen to the (_**bleep**_ing) radio?"

Dinah sighed, "Seriously Helena, I think I am finding this very disturbing."

Helena grinned, "Actually I think you are looking at this the wrong way."

"How so?"

"We're indefinable."

"Not helping."

"No, think about it. Do you really want Constant Craving to be our theme?"

Dinah cracked a small smile, and then turned up her nose. "Definitely not."

"See? And it could be worse. What if I really liked Melissa Etheridge? Come to my window?"

Dinah crossed her arms. "Wait a (_**bleep**_ing) second. I like Melissa Etheridge!"

"Exactly! Wait…what?"

"Melissa Etheridge is cool."

Helena grinned, "Um, if you say so."

"What is wrong with (_**bleep**_ing) Melissa Etheridge?"

"Nothing, if you like cliché' lesbian music."

"Cliché'?"

"Yeah, like if the genius on your iPod suggests the following artists…Bonnie Raitt, Alanis Morissette, the Indigo Girls, Dido, Sophie B. Hawkins, Donna Summer…"

Dinah threw her hands up to silence Helena. "I've heard enough. There is not a (_**bleep**_) thing wrong with anyone you named. And most of those women are (_**bleep**_ing) sexy as (_**bleep**_). And going back to Melissa, she is hard core. Her music is amazing."

Helena snorted. "Whatever."

Dinah cocked her eyebrow. "You really must change your attitude about Melissa."

"And why is that?" Helena smiled.

Dinah leaned into Helena's personal space and whispered, "I really don't see myself getting naked for someone who didn't like Melissa Etheridge."

Helena's smile dropped instantly. "You (_**bleep**_ing) serious?"

Dinah brushed her lips and her response against Helena's ear. "Most serious. So Helena, love, I think I need convincing that you are the one for me."

Helena groaned, "Aww, come on Dinah. Don't make me do this please."

Dinah leaned back and pasted a mischievous grin on her face. "I'm waiting Helena…"

Helena quickly looked around, and not seeing anyone, began to sing at an extremely rapid pace. "I'mtheonlyonewho'dwalkacrossafireforyou…"

Dinah laughed out loud at her girlfriend's rambling. "Slow down. Make me believe it."

Helena pouted, looked around again, sighed, and started again. "And I'm the only one who'd drown in my desire for you…"

Dinah smiled and slapped Helena's face lightly and playfully. "Good girl."

Instantly snickering was heard by both women. Helena and Dinah turned around to see Diana and Shayera standing behind them, clearly finding the display comical.

"Nice rendition Helena." Shayera giggled.

"I'm in (_**bleep**_)." Helena declared.

"Aww, it wasn't that bad Helena. I believed it." Diana chuckled.

"You guys suck." Helena grumbled.

"I might if you sing some Bonnie Raitt now…" Dinah lifted her eyebrow suggestively and licked her lips.

Helena looked at Dinah's face, and then back at her grinning friends. "Oh for Pete's sake…" she sighed, but continued to garble, "Let's give them something to talk about, how about L-O-V-E…I feel so foolish…"

Dinah smiled and grabbed Helena's hand and led her away to their room.

Diana looked at Shayera and laughed, "Poor Helena, it isn't right that Dinah would make her sing embarrassing songs to get some lovin'."

"Oh really?" came the redhead's response.

"OH NO SHAYERA! Don't even think about it…"

Shayera just stood and stared at Diana daring with her eyes that the Amazon not comply.

Diana exhaled, "Great Hera! What do I have to sing?"

"The Divinyls."

"No. No (_**bleep**_ing) way!"

"Diana…"

"(_**Bleep**_). _Fine_. You're the sun who makes me shine. When you're around, I'm always laughin. I wanna make you mine."

"That's not the part I want to hear. Keep going."

"I love myself…I want you to love me…"

Shayera began laughing, grabbed Diana's hand and began to lead her down the hall.

"When I feel down I want you above me…I search myself, I want you to find me…I forget myself I want you to remind me…I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I touch m…"

Shayera silenced the song with a kiss and promptly drug her girlfriend into their bedroom kicking the door closed behind her.

* * *

A/N: Girlfriends are sooo cruel sometimes. Hahahaha. Hope you enjoyed the silly fluffiness.


	15. Unnatural Bleeping Holes

"You want me stick my hand in where?" Shayera squealed.

"In the hole. It won't kill you."

"No. I think I'll pass." Shayera squirmed.

"You don't get to pass. You lost. You do it."

Shayera scrunched her nose. "It doesn't seem natural to do this. Please don't make me."

Diana sighed. "Shayera, I'm waiting."

"(_**Bleep**_) that. Figure out something else I can do. I'm not sticking my whole hand in there."

Helena laughed. "It'll probably be more than your hand. I'm guessing that several inches past your wrist are going in there too."

Shayera's eyes went wide. "No. Abso-(_**bleep**_ing)-lutely not."

Dinah shoved Shayera towards her goal. "Just do it. We all drew straws, and you lost. That means you have to do it."

Shayera turned to Diana. "I can't. Please. You do it."

"Oh (_**bleep**_) no. I'm not doing it." Diana objected.

Shayera looked at Dinah and Helena. The two women shook their heads no. Shayera turned back. "This seems so…violating."

"It's dead. I highly doubt that it (_**bleep**_ing) cares at this point." Dinah giggled.

Helena laughed too. "Worried that you were related?" Dinah and Diana chuckled.

"Oh, you have jokes Helena? The only thing I will be inserting is my foot in your (_**bleep**_) if you keep this up." Shayera grumbled.

"All I am saying is that there is no reason for you not to do this." Helena smiled putting a little distance between her and Shayera.

"Why is it so big?" Shayera eyed suspiciously.

"Yours isn't?" Dinah smirked.

"OH VERY FUNNY! You and Helena can kiss my (_**bleep**_)."

Diana walked up to Shayera and touched her elbow moving the redhead's hand forward toward the goal. As her hand got closer to the object, Shayera's hand curled into a fist. She tried to pull her arm back, but Diana was too strong for her.

"Uncurl your fingers Shayera. Babe, I get why you don't want to do this, but someone has to stuff the turkey. We drew straws; you lost, so let's go."

"Ack! No Diana. It's not right for me to put my hand up the turkey's pie-hole."

"Grab the (_**bleep**_) stuffing, and put it in the turkey!" Diana huffed.

Shayera squirmed away from Diana's grasp and ran around the side of the table. She giggled and stuck her tongue out.

"There is another turkey in here that is about to get stuffed Shayera…" Diana lightly threatened smiling.

Shayera cocked her eyebrow. "Oh really? Threatening me? Not wise woman." Shayera put her hand into the stuffing, took a handful, and looked at Diana.

"Don't do it Shayera. This will not end well for you." Diana laughed.

Shayera instantly launched the stuffing at Diana's head. The Amazon ducked and the food hit Helena in the face. Dinah looked at Helena, and laughed. Helena wiped her face and looked at Dinah.

"OH NO! Don't even think about it!" Dinah squealed.

Flash walked into the kitchen a few minutes later and was shocked at the site. Diana and Shayera were wrestling on the floor, covered in various food objects from head to toe. Dinah and Helena were struggling on the table, shoving stuffing into each other's clothes and every other place that they could reach into. Flash laughed to himself_. So much for turkey dinner…wonder if there are any hot pockets in the freezer?_

_

* * *

A/N: I love the line about being related...hehehe..._


	16. Truth or Bleeping Dare

Sitting around the kitchen imbibing various alcoholic beverages, the conversation had turned to the only place it could with four intoxicated superheroes.

"Truth or dare Diana?' Helena asked.

"Truth."

"How old are you really?" Helena, Shayera, and Dinah chuckled. Diana was not amused.

"Who asks a lady how old she is? No one. It is considered (_**bleep**_ing) rude."

"If I had asked a lady, it would be. But we have hung out far too much for me to believe that you are one. And you hardly strengthen your argument of being a lady by saying (_**bleep**_ing), so answer the (_**bleep**_ing) question." Helena snickered.

Dinah interjected, "Take off your shoes Shayera. Help her count the centuries on your toes and hers."

Diana muttered, "(_**Bleep**_) holes. All three of you. Since the Amazons don't count years the way you do, I cannot give you an accurate age. But I will say that I am too old to be playing this stupid game."

"What a crap answer. Such a cop out. Fine. It's your turn now Diana." Helena sighed.

"Truth or dare Shayera."

"**NO** way I let you get me into a dare Diana, so truth it is." Shayera smiled.

"If you were stranded on a desert island what is the one item you would have to have with you?" Diana asked.

"That's not a funny question." Dinah whined.

Diana smiled and put her hand up to silence the blonde. "Wait for the answer."

Shayera rolled her eyes. "Plugs."

Diana laughed, but Helena and Dinah just stared at each other confused.

"I don't get it." Dinah stated.

"Me neither." Helena agreed.

"Plugs, guys, plugs." Shayera answered again, hoping the other two would get a clue.

They just shrugged and shook their heads.

"Cotton rockets, sanitary napkins, midget bungee cords, **HELLO**?"

The other two began laughing. "Gross."

"What is gross is that it is not the answer for most women. Sick." Shayera shuddered.

"TMI Shayera." Helena snorted.

"Whatever. Truth or dare Helena." Shayera asked.

"Truth."

"Chicken (_**bleep**_). Truth huh? Fine. Have you ever looked at your third eye in the mirror before?"

"My third eye?" Helena asked confused.

Dinah doubled over from laughter. "Your third eye Helena. You know, your (_**bleep**_) hole."

"Sick, Shayera. Why would you want to know that?"

Dinah, Shayera, and Diana all laughed.

"Would you like if I asked a different **QUESTION**?" Shayera cocked her eyebrow.

Helena squealed, "NO! (_**Bleep**_) it. No questions about the Question. Ugh. Really? Yes, I have looked at in the mirror before…" The last part of the sentence was mumbled. The other three women cackled.

Helena looked at Dinah. "Truth or dare."

"Just to avoid any Green Arrow questions, I will go with dare."

"Fine. Let's see you do an impression of Batman."

Dinah grinned and began removing various items out of the kitchen drawers and cabinets. She undid her belt and began sliding the items onto it, and then looped it through her jeans again. When she was done she had a spatula, a colander, a bottle opener, and a mug hanging off her waist. She placed her pointer fingers on top of her head and deadpanned, "I'm a grouchy, old (_**bleep**_). Want to know why? I think Catwoman stole my wallet."

Everyone in the kitchen laughed until Batman made his presence known. "I don't think that was a very accurate impression Dinah." He didn't crack a smile.

"Well, (_**bleep**_). Sorry bats." Dinah muttered.

"Oh Batman, not even a laugh?" Diana elbowed the caped crusader. Batman scowled.

"Come on, you have to have a sense of humor somewhere on your bat belt. Truth or dare?" Helena asked.

Batman sat quiet for a minute then answered, "Truth."

"How many objects on the bat belt have you used in…an encounter of a more personal nature?"

The three women smiled, but stifled their laughter.

Batman looked around the room, and still with a straight face, he answered, "All of them. " He turned on his heels to walk out, but then turned back around. "Which all of you can personally attest to." He turned around and smiled under his cowl. As he exited the kitchen he heard all women yell in unison, "**YOU SLEPT WITH BATMAN**?"

* * *

A/N: Did they sleep with Batman? Maybe, maybe not. I still thought it was funny as (bleep). On a side note, this chapter was born of two prompts, one asking for Batman. Thank you (). (Parenthesis because you did not sign your name). And the other from Jay aka Jordan asking for Truth or Dare. Seriously, the well is running a bit dry here, so prompts are not only welcomed, but at this point, are needed to continue...and for those who have not left a review yet, please do!


	17. Truth or Dare, Bleeping Superman Style

The four women were arguing in the kitchen when Superman walked in. "Ladies, please. Calm down. What's this all about?"

They all pointed at each other and yelled, "SHE SLEPT WITH BATMAN! I DID (_**BLEEP**_ING) NOT!"

Superman sighed. It was clear that all the women in the room were intoxicated. He raised his hands and loudly stated, "All of you calm down. Yelling won't help."

All four went instantly quiet. None of them would look at each other, and all had disgusted looks on their faces. Superman walked over to the kitchen counter and looked at them individually. He crossed his arms, and then stated, "Fine. I'll mediate. Shayera, did you and Batman…well…" He blushed. He wasn't necessarily comfortable with the topic at hand.

"No." Shayera huffed. "I never slept with the Caped Crusader. It never once occurred to me."

The other three women rolled their eyes. "Right, like we are supposed to believe that." Helena grunted.

"I didn't (_**bleep**_) it." Shayera shouted. "Besides out of everyone here, you are the most likely suspect."

"Me?" Helena exclaimed. "Why is that?"

"You wear the same (_**bleep**_ing) costume."

"I live in Gotham. It seemed like the thing to wear." Helena retorted. "And besides, I think Diana is more likely to be the culprit out of all of us."

"**ME**? What kind of sense does that (_**bleep**_ing) make?" Diana railed.

"You guys are always going on missions together. And you guys were dancing at Bruce's last charity ball. A little too closely I am sure."

"Ridiculous. Yes, I danced with him, but nothing close to the horizontal mambo was done. And if we are pointing fingers here, Dinah is probably the guilty party."

Dinah squealed. "We should start drug testing League members. You are obviously high!"

"Right…Your whole life is wound around that man; Birds of Prey, Gotham City, and always in the middle of his fights with the Joker, or Freeze, or whatever lame (_**bleep**_) villain he seems to be constantly fighting."

Dinah snorted. "So what? I fight with the man. It doesn't mean that I let his bat-a-rang anywhere near me."

Superman chuckled slightly. This whole conversation was silly. In retrospect, laughing did not help the situation.

"Not sure why you find this so funny." Diana mumbled.

"Really, this is very serious." Shayera agreed.

Superman had all eyes on him. "Ladies, please. I am not laughing at you. But I don't believe for a moment that any of you actually did, the, uh, deed with Batman."

"The deed? Really, Kansas? It's called sex." Dinah grinned a little.

Superman blushed. "I know what it is called. I was trying to refrain from being crude."

"Ever the boy scout. Sorry Supes. This is a very silly conversation. Batman just riled us all up." Shayera stated.

"How did this start anyways?" Superman asked.

Helena grinned. "Truth or dare. And since you walked in the middle of the game, truth or dare Superman?"

"W-What?" Superman stuttered.

"Truth or dare Kansas." Dinah reiterated.

"**OH NO**. If the argument is done, I will be leaving."

"Afraid of a bunch of women? Hardly seems like you to back down." Diana teased.

Superman felt cornered as the women were all smiling at him conspiratorially. His shoulders slumped, and he gave in. "Truth."

"What's with your costume?"

"What deodorant do you wear?"

"Why don't you use your X-ray vision for more fun activities?"

"You ever sleep with Batman?"

The questions all came at once. Superman was shocked. The women were laughing.

He ran his fingers through his hair, and exhaled. "What is wrong with my costume?"

"That's what you key in on? Since I asked the question I will elaborate. I love you, you know that, but you are wearing your (_**bleep**_ing) underwear over everything else. Seems a bit odd." Shayera stated. "Who tucks their suit into their underwear?"

Superman got a little indignant. "They are not underwear."

"They aren't?" all four women asked in unison.

"N-no, well, not technically."

"So you wear underwear underneath your, um, underwear?" Shayera giggled.

"What? No, I mean, wait, I am not answering that."

Diana slid a beer over to Superman. "Drink that. It'll loosen you up to play this game."

"Yeah, and when you are done, answer my question." Dinah giggled.

Superman sighed and cracked the beer. He drank it down quick, and then responded, "Which question was yours again?"

"What deodorant do you wear?"

"What kind of (_**bleep**_ing) question is that?" Diana asked astonished.

"A valid one." Dinah stuck her tongue out at the Amazon. "And it goes in hand with the costume thing."

"I can't wait to hear this…" Superman grunted while downing another beer.

"Supes here wears his costume underneath his plain clothes all the time. Wearing that many layers is bound to make you sweat. Yet, you never smell bad. I really need to know what deodorant you wear so I can start using it."

"Well, amen to that (_**bleep**_ing) idea." Helena deadpanned. Dinah swatted her girlfriend.

Superman blinked a few times, and then answered, "I don't. I think because my body absorbs the sun's rays that I really don't sweat too much."

"How is that (_**bleep**_ing) possible? I sweat like a whore in church." Dinah stated and then quickly turned to Helena. "Not one amen better come out of your mouth."

Helena just grinned. "My turn to get an answer. What's the deal with you and your X-ray vision? Why are you so prude about it?"

"It would hardly be honorable to use it to peep underneath women's clothes." Superman began to drink another beer.

"So, you never used it once on Lois?"

He immediately spit it out the liquid. "You guys are awful!"

"That's a yes, because I sure as (_**bleep**_) didn't hear a denial." Helena laughed.

Superman just shook his head. "Last question was what again?"

Diana interjected, "Did YOU ever sleep with Batman?"

Superman laughed. "Nope. But I think you know that. He might have dark hair, but he doesn't really do it for me. Besides, Diana, most of my missions aren't with him, they are with you." He grinned broadly, and Diana's eyes went wide. He dropped his beer and took off flying with an irate Amazon hot on his heels.

"Huh, Diana? Really?" Dinah asked the others still remaining.

"I don't believe it for a second." Shayera flatly stated.

"Oh really? And why is that?" Helena asked, still laughing.

"As prude as he is, I hardly think Diana would go for the missionary position all the time." Shayera stated while swigging on another beverage.

"Speaking from experience?"

Shayera just smiled, and then started laughing. "I don't think we have done it that way once!"

"Who? You and Diana or you and Superman?" Helena barely choked out.

* * *

A/N: For ltlconf...you wanted Superman, so you got him. Hope you liked it. Keep these prompts coming guys, I was serious about needing them to continue. SO leave a review, and an idea or two.


	18. Lois Bleeping Lane

Shayera, Dinah, and Helena were in the kitchen still laughing, and still drinking. They heard heavy footsteps approaching, and they stifled their laughter. After a few moments, Diana came around the corner with someone in tow.

"Did you catch Superman?" Dinah asked.

"No. But I caught someone else just as interesting." Diana chuckled.

Shayera smiled, "Lois Lane. Hot (_**bleep**_). This should be good."

Lois nodded and grinned at the group. "Ladies, I hear from Diana that you have been torturing my man tonight."

"Torturing? No. Simply trying to get some questions cleared up. He wasn't very forthcoming you know. Are you taking his place now in our little game?" Helena asked.

Lois laughed, "Diana didn't really give me a vote, so I am guessing that the answer is yes."

"Nothing that is said gets to be reported though. All of this is completely off the record." Diana stated.

"Of course. I highly doubt that I would want the general public to know that I came in here to drink and tell stories. So your secrets, and I hope mine, are going to be kept private."

"I always liked you Lois…" Dinah started.

Lois grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat down on the stool. "Since I don't think Superman will want me participating in dares, we will need to stick to truth only. I personally am not opposed to the dare part, but I think I will refrain from having to have him explain to any other Justice Leaguers why I was running around with my underwear on my head. So hit me, what do you guys want to know?"

Immediately the questions were blurted out.

"Did you start the whole faster than a speeding bullet thing?"

"Do you think Teri Hatcher is hot? After all she was portraying you…"

"How many times have you been kidnapped?"

"Can you actually breathe when he flies you up into the stars?"

Lois laughed at the silly questions. "I did not start the faster than a speeding bullet thing. It was probably one of his (_**bleep**_ing) ex-girlfriends. And no, he isn't if you catch my drift. " Lois winked. "Although if we ever break up, that is exactly what I will be printing in the gossip column of the Daily Planet. As for Teri Hatcher, yes, I think she is hot, but I hated how she portrayed me. I have NEVER done the dance of the seven veils. I am not some (_**bleep**_) hussy."

Dinah laughed, "You know she did a spread where she was wearing nothing but the cape…"

"Those pictures don't actually exist of me anywhere, except maybe in Clark's memories…"

"(_**Bleep**_) Lois, that is hot!" Dinah exclaimed.

"He blushed, and that is all I will say about that. I like to keep it spicy, and he definitely is the MAN OF STEEL."

"Holy (_**bleep**_)! Don't hold anything back on us Lois." Shayera giggled.

"Do I really have to answer the kidnapping question? Too many times, ugh! And flying me up to the stars has been greatly exaggerated. There's no oxygen up that high, and asphyxiation is not one of Superman's kinks so to speak."

"What is?" Helena grinned.

Lois replied laughing, "Isn't it my turn now to ask the questions?"

The other four women shrugged and nodded in ascent.

"Good," Lois started, "Diana, how do the Amazons procreate with no men on an island? Helena, how could you ever tell when the Question needed a breath mint? Shayera, do Thanagarians ever suffer from the bird flu? Dinah, what is with the fish net stockings?"

All four women laughed and simultaneously responded, "No comment!"

* * *

A/N: Sorry it took so long for you to get a new one shot. For ltlconf and BladeMaster 357...and for everyone else, keep the ideas and the reviews coming!


	19. They Always Bleeping Run

"Why do they always run?" Dinah sighed.

Helena laughed. "What would you really expect a bad guy to do? Rob a bank, see you waiting outside, and say 'Gee, it's the Black Canary. Ok, I give up. Here, take the money back. I am really sorry, and I promise that once I get out of jail I will try very hard to be a productive member of society.' Get serious babe!"

"Smart (_**bleep**_)!"

Helena grinned, "Not to needle you…"

"But?"

"Diana doesn't have that problem. All she has to do is stand with her hands on her hips and the bad guys practically (_**bleep**_) themselves."

"I know! (_**Bleep**_) it! Maybe it's her scowl. Lemme try…"

Dinah furrowed her brows and frowned.

Helena chuckled, "Dinah, you look constipated."

"Well I need to figure it out, because I am tired of running after these idiots. Seriously, you know how many rooftops I have jumped lately? And let's not forget about running through alleys that smell like rat poo."

"Did you just say poo?"

Dinah rolled her eyes. "Would you rather I say (_**bleep**_)?"

Giggling, Helena managed, "No, poo is much funnier."

Dinah swatted her girlfriend's arm. "Could you try and be helpful?"

"Maybe you should try the scowl thing again. Work on giving them the scary face and I am sure there will be no more chases through…"

"Don't say it."

"Poo-ville!"

"You are such a clown."

Amidst the laughter, Diana strolled into the room. "Hey, what are guys busting a gut over?"

"Dinah's pathetic attempt at putting the fear of herself into the bad guys. She is tired of giving chase."

Diana smiled, "Well, let's see it."

Dinah stood still for a moment, and then put her hands on her hips. She leaned forward a little, and gritted her teeth. Her nostrils flared a little, and her eyes went wide. Both Diana and Helena couldn't stop the fits of laughter.

"Babe, you look like someone just put something somewhere VERY uncomfortable."

"I was going to say that she looks like she has cramps."

"You guys are (_**bleep**_) holes! I am done with this." She flung herself onto the couch next to Helena and pouted.

"Aww…" Diana started, "here let me show you." She spread her legs slightly, threw her hands on her hips, and narrowed her gaze. Her stare practically bore holes into her companion's heads.

Helena shifted uncomfortably, "Holy (_**bleep**_) Diana. That is seriously hard core."

Dinah smiled slightly, noticing that Shayera was approaching the room from behind the Amazon. "So Diana, you use that on Shayera too?"

"Sure do. When I want her to do something, and she gives me any type of grief, I simply give her the glare, and tell her 'Woman, do as you're told!' Works everytime."

Dinah and Helena both stifled the laughter as Shayera's eyes went wide. She simply stood behind Diana with her arms crossed as the Amazon dug the hole even deeper. "I'm telling you guys, the woman is like putty in my hands. Sex on demand, and she does my laundry…and... why are you guys not laughing? She's behind me isn't she?"

The laughter that had been held back was let loose as Diana turned around to see her redheaded girlfriend giving her the glare she had just showed to her friends.

Diana shrunk back a little, and then quickly leaned in and pecked Shayera's cheek. "Love you sweetheart." Immediately the Amazon started laughing, and ran down the hall with Shayera hot on her tail.

"See? I told you they always run."

* * *

A/N: I know it has been a while, but I have been concentrating on my other stories much more recently. Hope you get a little chuckle with this one...and let me know if there is something you would like to see...or just let me know you are still out there! Happy reading...


	20. The Invisible Bleeping Jet

Dinah and Helena entered the room where Diana and Shayera were sitting. They plopped down on the couch next to their friends.

"What have you two been up to today?" Diana asked.

"Researching." Helena replied.

"Anything good?"

"Actually yes. We were reading about you on Wikipedia."

Diana rolled her eyes, "You know that stuff is never true. I could write an article on there and claim it was gospel truth."

Dinah interjected, "We were reading about the invisible jet."

Shayera chuckled, "Guys, Diana hates this subject."

Diana sighed, "I really do. You know how many questions I get about that (_**bleep**_) thing daily?"

"Oh." Helena looked at Diana shyly.

Diana exhaled, "What is it that you want to know?"

Helena grinned, "First the obvious, how the (_**bleep**_) do you find that thing?"

Shayera grinned, knowing Diana was answering this question for the millionth time.

Diana started, "I simply remember where I park it."

"What a (_**bleeping**_) cop out answer. You have never accidentally bumped into it?"

"No."

"Okay, fine, let me ask you this…how do you fly it if you can't see the instrument panel? The article said that you can communicate with it telepathically."

"What a bunch of (_**bleep**_)! Tell you what; let's test that theory…what thought am I projecting right now?"

Helena blinked, and then laughed. "Rudeness!"

Diana chuckled slightly, "Maybe I am telepathic. Who knew?"

Dinah giggled, "That was obvious. I think I even heard that one. Such foul language Princess."

"I know how to fly it because I helped invent it. I know where the panels are."

"So the Amazons invented it?" Shayera asked.

"Yes, they did."

"Huh, so much for the article then." Helena stated.

"Why? Who did it say invented it?"

"Leprechauns."

"WHAT?"

Shayera chided slightly, "I didn't know you knew any Leprechauns. Why haven't I been introduced?"

"Seriously Shayera? I don't know any Leprechauns."

"So then there is no rainbow that comes out of the jets in the back?" Dinah started again.

"Guys, why do you read this (_**bleep**_)? No, there are no rainbows. How (_**bleeping**_) stupid."

"Who is Steve Trevor?" Helena asked laughing.

"I give. Who is Steve Trevor?" Diana answered.

Dinah squealed, "Your boyfriend. Apparently he has a special relationship with the jet."

Shayera mock pouted, "Who the (_**bleep**_) is that?"

"Honestly, sweetheart, I have no idea."

"Apparently he knows you VERY well, and the jet likes him." Helena prodded.

"How well does this bozo know you? And why doesn't the jet like me too?" Shayera continued.

"Babe, the jet is not alive. It is a plane that I fly from time to time. There are no emotions coming from it."

"That isn't what the article said." Helena smiled.

Diana rolled her eyes again, "Quit filling Shayera's head with this nonsense. There is no Steve Trevor, and if there was, I am sure the jet would like her more."

"One more question…" Helena teased.

"Hurry up." Diana was well over the subject.

"Say the plane pops a spring in the seat. Would you know prior to sitting on it?"

Diana sat silently for a moment, and then laughed hysterically. "I have no idea! I guess not. Time to check the seat now before I get a rude awakening."

Shayera stood up, "Come on, take me with you. I want to have a word with the jet about this (_**bleeping**_) boyfriend of yours."

Diana sighed and took Shayera by the hand and left the room.

Helena looked at Dinah. "You know Wikipedia records the authors of the articles?"

Dinah smiled conspiratorially, "So?"

"I know you had a hand in that (_**bleeping**_) trash."

"Yeah," Dinah shook with mirth, "I did. Pretty (_**bleep**_) clever. Not my best work though."

"Pray tell what is then?"

"Go type your name in the search engine." And with the utterance, Dinah bolted from her seat with Helena hot on her trail.

* * *

A/N: Seriously I have no idea how Wonder Woman is so cool, given her Wikipedia history. The article on the Invisible Jet was funny.


	21. Bleeping Birthday Party

Guys, there is no excuse for this one. Totally dirty...

* * *

Shayera and Dinah were sitting in the room while the lecturer continued with his monotonous tone.

Dinah leaned over and nudged Shayera who was starting to nod.

"Wake up woman! If I can do this hung over, so can you."

Shayera grumbled and wiped the drool that was forming at the corner of her mouth. "I think I am getting too old to go drinking with you and still expect to function the next morning. Seriously, I feel like (_**bleep**_)."

"Join the (_**bleeping**_) club. Why did we volunteer to come to a tech conference for the League? Batman should be doing this (_**bleep**_)."

"I agree. I hate Diana and Helena right now for getting to sleep in."

"How much sleep is either of them actually getting? My place is wrecked and I told Helena it better be clean by the time I get home."

"Crack the whip one time. I have no idea how Diana does it. Who knew her super powers included drinking us under a table at your birthday party?"

Dinah giggled and heard her phone buzz. She picked it up and looked at the small screen. Instantly she started laughing out loud. The lecturer stopped and the room looked at her angrily.

"Sorry…" she shrugged. "Shayera, look at what Helena just sent me."

The redhead leaned over and looked at the phone. _I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants._

Shayera laughed out loud as well, garnering more ugly looks. "My bad. Sorry. Please continue. This is fascinating."

The lecturer nodded and droned on. Shayera snatched the phone and began typing a response…_Gross to the cheesecake. Definitely not a wet dream._

A few seconds later the response flashed on the screen_. Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night._

"Holy (_**bleep**_)!" Shayera yelled.

Dinah leaned over and read the message. An instant blush encompassed her face. She looked around the room, and noticed the stares she and her friend were getting. "Look, this is important League business. Sorry for the interruption, but keeping the world safe is priority you know." She looked at Shayera who was still laughing. "Shhh…we are soooo going to get kicked out."

"What the (_**bleep**_) were you two doing last night?" Shayera whispered.

"I think that is pretty obvious." Dinah took her phone back and rapidly began texting. _Babe, Shayera just read that. _

A few moments later a new message popped up. _Diana wants Shayera to know that she just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday._

Dinah swallowed her laughter and elbowed Shayera. "Look at this. And you have the nerve to ask what Helena and I were doing?"

"Tell her to make sure she gets it off of the back of the bathroom door as well."

Dinah's eyes went wide. "Gross." _Tell Diana that she needs to scrub the back of the door as well._

The phone buzzed almost immediately. _Yeah, and apparently there is some on the ceiling. What the (__**bleep**__)? How did they get chocolate on the ceiling?_

Dinah snickered and tossed the phone in Shayera's lap. She scanned it quickly and shrugged, "What? We both can fly you know."

Shayera typed out a response. _How much of last night do either of you actually remember?_

"Good question. I made sure I set the alarm before the party. Otherwise neither of us would have made it here."

The person sitting in front of them turned and glared.

Shayera leaned over and whispered, "Turn around and mind your own business."

The phone buzzed again. _Apparently Shayera likes to drunk dial. Bet John is pissed about her telling him that Diana makes her whole body shake._

"Oh God." Shayera sighed. "That won't make the next meeting fun at all."

"I bet Diana disagrees."

The phone buzzed again. _Thank God Diana drew the line at taking pictures. Not sure if John or Mari would have found that funny._

"Kinky Shayera. Who knew?"

"This is mortifying."

Dinah took the phone back and typed a response. _You sucked on the drag queen's heel. It got that rough._

"What drag queen? I don't remember that."

"Because it never happened. But let's see if those two lushes know that."

The phone buzzed once more. _Diana resents being called a drag queen. And I had to suck on her heel. I can't wuss out in truth or dare._

"What?" Dinah howled. The room looked at her once more. She cocked her eyebrow. "Joker escaped. No cause for alarm. Batman is after him."

Shayera leaned over. "Nice cover. Way NOT to cause panic."

"Do you remember playing truth or dare?"

"No…but it would explain some things."

"Like what?"

"How I ended up tied to the bedpost by Diana's lasso."

"Sorry, I missed that. What did you say?"

"HOW I ENDED UP TIED TO THE BEDPOST BY DIANA'S LASSO!"

All eyes in the room turned in shock to at Shayera's admission.

"OH (_**bleep**_). Dinah we really need to leave."

Dinah addressed the room. "Hostage situation last night. Not what you all think…"

"Nice cover."

"Please…this is going to spread like wild fire."

Dinah began typing again. _Tell Diana that her business is being shared rather loudly at this conference._

The phone buzzed again. _Diana says as long as Shayera isn't showing her business to anyone then she is fine with it._

Dinah texted again. _What are we doing later…after you guys clean and Shayera and I get booted or leave from sheer embarrassment?_

The response was instant._ We'll see ya'll tonight at our house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day._

Shayera read the message and stared at Dinah with confusion.

The blonde sighed. "Vodka. Not the other 'V' word."

"Oh. Glad that was cleared up. How the (_**bleep**_) are we going to drink again?"

Dinah pressed out a response. _My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism._

The phone buzzed once more. _Tell Shayera that is the only way to have drunken crutch races._

Dinah chuckled quietly. "I think that I would rather be doing that than this (_**bleep**_)."

Shayera smiled, "Yeah, me too. Think we can sneak out of here quietly?"

"Nope. Ready?"

"Huh?"

Dinah stood suddenly. "Holy (_**bleep**_)! We gotta go Shayera! There is a bank robbery in progress!"

Shayera's jaw dropped as Dinah bolted from the room. "Sometimes I hate her…" she mumbled, making her exit as well.

* * *

A/N: This chapter was born of funny texts that I read on a website called texts from last night. There are about 5-6 tucked away in this chapter. I realize it was dirty...but I think it was hysterical. Let me know what you thought...


	22. Bleeping Karaoke

"Diana, it's your turn."

"No, no way Shayera. I am not doing this."

The redhead sighed, "Yes you are. We have all (_**bleeping**_) embarrassed ourselves, and now it is your turn."

Diana whined, "I can't. This is humiliating."

Helena and Dinah leaned across the table. "What's wrong?" asked the blonde.

Shayera huffed, "Diana is refusing to sing."

Helena laughed, "OH NO! We all took a turn, and now you get to sing."

"This is a stupid idea. How I ever agreed to participate in this…"

"It's for a good cause. Bruce agreed that he would donate $1000 for each one of us that sang to a children's charity. Flash put a lot of time organizing the 1st ever League Karaoke Night."

"Yeah but I never agreed to sing the song that the Flash picked out."

Helena laughed again, "That is why Bruce agreed to donate money. Look we are all in the Tower, no one but our colleagues is actually going to see it. No one in the world will know that you sang. But the children's charity will benefit greatly. C'mon, where's your sense of adventure?"

Diana mumbled, "Not in this room that is for sure. Bruce didn't sing!"

"True, but he is fronting the money, and besides, Selina took his spot. I thought her version of 'Whip It' was fantastic!"

The women at the table laughed. Dinah looked at Diana, "What song did Flash pick for you?"

"None of your business. I am not singing it." Diana replied.

Shayera cocked her eyebrow, "Helena and Dinah sang 'Push It', and I garbled out 'When Doves Cry', so I am not sure why you think your song would be any worse."

Diana gripped a red envelope in her hand. "No. I said no (_**bleep**_) it. "

Shayera reached out her hand. "Give me that (_**bleep**_) thing. I want to know what song Flash picked for you."

"Not a chance Shayera. It isn't happening. I am sure that I could convince Bruce to donate the money anyways."

Shayera leaned back and looked at Helena and Dinah. "Guys…"

Helena and Dinah smirked and shifted in their chairs.

Diana's eyes went wide, "**DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.** You three couldn't take me on your best day."

Dinah shrugged, "Debatable."

The three women launched themselves across the table at the Amazon. Diana struggled to keep the envelope in her hand and still fend off the attack. Diana rolled onto her stomach, pinning her hand underneath herself. Helena had the Amazon's legs pinned and Dinah was sitting on her back. Shayera struggled to pull out Diana's arm from underneath her.

Between fits of laughter, Diana struggled, "Treacherous (_**bleeps**_)!"

"Tickle her!" Shayera yelled.

"NNN-OOOO!" Diana was squirming desperately.

Once the tickling began Diana was at a loss to fight all three. Her hand extended above her head, while she struggled to keep Shayera away from it.

Casually Bruce walked up to the four who were rolling on the floor. He leaned down and snatched the envelope out of Diana's hand. "What is all of this about?"

Diana looked up, eyes wide, "Bruce, please just donate the money. I can't sing that song!"

"Why? It's for charity. What song did Flash pick for you?" Bruce opened the envelope and looked at the paper inside. And the statue of seriousness that always was Bruce cracked.

"Diana," he chuckled, "need I remind you that these kids are in need of clothes, shoes, and educations? Some of them are girls…girls that need to find their voices of empowerment."

"That is a low (_**bleeping**_) blow Bruce!" Diana laughed.

"Of course it is. Tell you what, you sing this song right now, and I will donate $50,000 in your name."

"I hate you." Diana chuckled.

"It's for a good cause. Now gather your dignity off of the floor and go up to the microphone."

He reached his hand down, and helped Diana off of the floor. She snatched the envelope out of his hand and smoothed her hair down. "Fine, but only if you donate $75,000."

Bruce nodded, "Done."

Diana stalked up to the stage and handed her envelope to Flash. She glared at him and threatened, "I swear that if this creeps up in a video anywhere, you will suddenly find out that you cannot have children of your own. Understood?"

"Un-Understood completely."

Shayera, Dinah, and Helena stood next to Bruce. "$75,000? That is a lot of money Bruce."

Bruce nodded, "She should have asked for more. I would have willingly paid it just to see this."

Diana stood at the microphone and drew in a deep breath. "Alright Flash, start the music."

And as the song started, the room erupted with laughter. Shayera leaned over to Dinah and Helena, "No (_**bleeping**_) wonder she didn't want to do this song! Please tell me someone is getting this recorded."

Bruce nodded, "I think that I arranged that part when Flash came to me with this idea."

All attention was turned back to the Amazon as she started to sing…"It's raining men. Hallelujah it's raining men, amen…"

* * *

A/N: Hahahaha! I debated two songs when I wrote this. It was either going to be this one or Like a Virgin. I thought this was funnier! Tell me if you did too!


	23. The Next Bleeping Day

Day 2 of Tech Conference:

Diana rubbed her eyes. "This is such crap. How did we end up here instead of Dinah and Shayera?"

Helena rolled her eyes. "Probably because you are whipped."

Diana chuckled, "Well that would explain why I am here, but what is your excuse?"

"I was rudely awoken this morning with a foot in my back and a reminder that I owed Dinah one."

"What for?"

Helena laughed out loud, "I left her at McDonald's once."

A man sitting in front of the pair turned and glared. "Sshhhhh."

Helena leaned over, "You realize who is sitting next to me right? She has cramps. You may want to turn around."

Diana mumbled an apology and pulled Helena back. "That was (_**bleeping**_) inappropriate."

"Whatever. Anyways, Dinah and I went bar hopping one night, and decided to get some food afterwards. We sat down, drunk as (_**bleep**_), ate our food, and she got up and went into the bathroom. A few minutes later, one of the employees told me that I would have to leave because they were closing. I stumbled out of the place, not even realizing that I didn't have Dinah. I walked about halfway home before my phone started ringing."

"Oh no…"

"Apparently she had passed out on the toilet in the McDonald's, and one of the employees found her when they were mopping. All I heard her slurring on the phone was 'What the (_**bleep**_)? **NO MAN LEFT BEHIND!**'"

Diana covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. "That is so wrong."

Helena grinned, "And hence the reason I am here this morning."

"Well, we are in much better shape than Dinah and Shayera anyways."

"True, true. Hold on." Helena grabbed her phone and sent a quick text. _How hung over are you two?_

A few moments later the response popped up. _Hung over…in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time._

Diana smirked, "May I?"

"Of course." Helena handed the phone to Diana who instantly started tapping keys. _Did you trip over Shayera in the dining room when you got your pitcher?_

Helena and Diana giggled quietly.

_What would you do if you came home and I was in nothing but the table cloth?_

Helena roared laughing. The people at the conference turned and looked at her.

"Sorry, Batman just caught the Penguin in a dress. Who knew?"

Diana quickly typed. _So you did find Shayera._

_Yep. Under the table passed out where you left her. She was not happy when I tripped on her._

Helena leaned over and whispered, "You are in so much trouble when we get back."

Diana shrugged. "She should learn to hold her liquor a little better."

Another text popped up_. Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so she wouldn't spin should qualify for some kind of drunken award._

"That's why I left her in the dining room wrapped in a tablecloth. She spun off the table and passed out."

Helena smiled for a moment and then her eyes went wide. She rapidly typed. _Dinah you realize this means they had sex on the dining room table. Better wash that table cloth._

A few seconds later a response blinked on the cell phone screen. _Way ahead of you. I gave her clothes. She is snoring next to me in bed now._

Diana leaned over, "You don't get to be mad about the dining room table. You have done far worse to us."

"Bullshit. When?"

"How about the time you told the furniture delivery man that he had brought the wrong bed? You graphically explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it."

Helena squealed. More heads turned. She stifled her giddiness and addressed the people staring. "Sorry, the Justice League is getting new dental insurance. Should have happened ages ago."

Diana face palmed. "Helena, you are ridiculous. **OH** and by the way since we are talking about embarrassing (_**bleep**_) you have said and done, how about the time you and I were negotiating peace between the Vexians and the Brumans?"

"What? We got that done."

"Only after hours of arguing between the two ended up with you telling me, rather loudly, 'We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done!' That was…"

"Effective." Helena grinned. "They found common ground. Both sides wanted that to happen. And since you opened this up, how about the time we were drinking in the club and you got into a fight with that guy that was hitting on Shayera?"

"I handled that appropriately."

"Bull(_**bleep**_). You dislocated his shoulder and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in!"

"And what part of that was unacceptable?"

Another text popped up. _She is now drooling on the pillow. Thank God it is yours._

"You are washing that!" Helena snickered.

Diana winked, "Throw it in the wash with the tablecloth."

* * *

A/N: This was born of more texts from last night. That website is hysterical!


	24. More Bleeping Texts From Last Night

More texts from last night…because these are just too funny to ignore. Dedicated to BladeMaster357 who supplied half of the list. Here we go…

* * *

Helena: _Good job mending bridges with Green Lantern last night._

Diana: (_**Bleep**_). _I woke up to a text that said 'You're an (__**bleep**__)hole.' Why is Mari so mad at me?_

Helena_: I'm guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming 'THIS IS SPARTA!' and kicking him in the balls._

Diana: _Great. Shayera is going to yell at me. By the way, is that considered a cock block?_

Helena: _LOL. You aren't even a Spartan._

Diana: _Semantics._

Helena: _Want to hear something weird?_

Diana: _If it involves anything bedroom related with you and Dinah, no, I don't._

Helena: _Funny. I just found cold cuts in the blender. Dinah and Beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties._

Diana: _Don't forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV._

Helena: _WHAT?_

Diana: _Shayera was with her. It's something that she does from time to time._

Helena: _Well, that explains a lot of (__**bleep**__). I just asked Dinah why there was $2 in the lunch meat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen…she said she wasn't sure, but knows that it has something to do with Shayera._

Diana: _Why is it always those two?_

Helena: _Champagne bombs. Yes, I think that is where things may have gotten out of control._

Diana: _And I take back about it always being those two. You are pretty (__**bleeping**__) bad yourself._

Helena: _I resemble that remark! Seriously, I am not out of control._

Diana: _R-I-G-H-T! Wasn't it just last week I had to drag you out of the restaurant?_

Helena: _Hardly qualifies as an incident._

Diana_: I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns._

Helena: _God that night…All I remember is drinking Vodka out of Tupperware._

Diana: _After you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottle._

Helena: _Ugh. Not my finest moment._

Diana: _Speaking of which, why did you have a shampoo bottle in your utensil drawer?_

Helena: _Just in case…_

Diana: _Of what?_

Helena: _Nothing, it is just something Dinah says when she has no reasonable explanation._

Diana: _Out of curiosity, do you have a litter box?_

Helena: _No, why?_

Diana: _Because Shayera just mumbled something funny. "I'm (__**bleeped**__) up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat." I am not seeing a cat anywhere here…guessing Dinah kept it._

Helena: _Sheesh. Again?_

Diana: _HAHAHA. Know what else she just said?_

Helena: _I give._

Diana: _"Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?"_

Helena_: I got one better than that. Last night when I got home Dinah was groaning in the bathroom. I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again". Wait…why is the word 'best' written on her chest?_

Diana_: She told me to mark her last night. I may have heard marker. Again, semantics._

Helena: _Those two really need to slow down. Although, it always makes for a good time after._

Diana: _But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips._

Helena: _True. But they switch it up to Taco Bell sometimes._

Diana: _WELL, that explains what I just found. How did they get this taco bell manager's name tag? Can you imagine taking him home?_

Helena: _He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis._

Diana: _We would be through if that ever happened._

Helena: _LOL. Who? Me and you, or you and Shayera?_

Diana: _Both. My friends and my girlfriend both need to have standards. Although I am beginning to wonder…_

Helena: _Dinah is grumbling that she is sick from the seasonal change. I am explaining that being hung over still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies". Weird question…_

Diana: _This whole conversation is weird. What is the question?_

Helena: _Two questions actually: What are you doing RIGHT NOW? And do you know how to drive a golf cart?_

Diana: _Great Hera! They stole one again? I swear they are going to get trespassed one of these days. I will be over soon. Gotta watch Shayera in the bathtub, and make sure she doesn't drown trying to scrub 'best' off her chest._

Helena: _Take a picture first!_

Diana: _Way ahead of you…_

* * *

_A/N: Thanks Blademaster357 for supplying a few ideas on this one...and thanks to those who are still following. Hopefully you laughed._


	25. Bleep Golf

"Tell me again why we are doing this?" Diana asked flustered.

Shayera grinned. "We promised Bruce that we would participate in the golf Pro-Am that Wayne Industries puts on every year. It's for a good cause, so grin and bear it."

Diana gritted her teeth, and crossed her arms.

"You're just pissy because you don't golf worth a (_**bleep**__)_." Canary laughed.

"This game is (_**bleeping**__)_ stupid." Diana mumbled.

Huntress walked over to Diana and handed her a club while holding another in her hands. "Here, let me show you. Stand like this." She spread her legs shoulder length apart. "Hold the club like this." She gripped the club at the handle and interlocked her pinky and pointer finger. "Draw the club back, and follow through." She demonstrated the motion to Diana. "It really isn't hard. Come on. Give it a try."

Diana nodded and walked up to the tee and set the ball on it. She spread her legs a little bit, and took a giant swing. And promptly missed.

"(_**BLEEP**__!_)" she shouted.

The other three women stifled giggles.

"So…Diana…let me ask you something." Helena started.

Diana glared, "At your own peril Huntress…"

Helena took a couple of steps over and stood behind Dinah. "How is it that you can deflect bullets moving at ridiculous speeds but can't hit something standing still?"

"OH so you have jokes?"

Shayera chuckled, and stood between Diana and the others.

"Sweetheart, just try again."

"Why can't I just watch? Really, this is embarrassing. I don't want to be on Sportscenter for this nonsense."

"Look, no one is around, and this is just practice. So try again. It is for a good cause."

Diana stood still for a moment and then exhaled. "Fine, but if any of you jokers laugh I swear you will be walking funny with a club lodged somewhere uncomfortable. And don't think I will waste my time with the putter, oh no, someone will be getting a wood in the (_**bleep**_)."

Dinah chuckled, "A wood in the (_**bleep**_) huh? You realize that has a double meaning…"

Helena and Shayera instantly grinned, but Diana stood in her spot with a confused look on her face.

"God Diana, I swear, dick jokes are wasted on you!" Dinah laughed.

Diana scowled and approached the tee again. She took the stance Helena had showed her, gripped the club, and swung as hard as she could. The ball went flying off the tee.

"(_**Bleep**_!)" Shayera yelled.

"You were supposed to yell fore, not (_**bleep**_)!" Helena laughed.

"I don't think that ball has landed yet. Anyone?" Dinah was squinting.

"Oh, oh no…" Shayera answered. "I am pretty sure that landed in the sand trap. Two holes up."

"Is that bad?" Diana asked.

"That ain't good." Helena moaned.

Dinah grinned, "Tell you what Diana, why don't we put you on gator duty instead?"

"What the (_**bleep**_) is that?"

"Any balls that go near the water, you get gator duty. You see a gator and I get new boots. Capiche?"

Diana nodded and tossed the club over her shoulder. "Thank Hera. I can do that without this stupid thing."

As the women started to walk away, Helena turned to Diana. "Just say one thing for me."

"What?"

"Get your balls in the hole!"

"What?" Diana asked confused once more.

Dinah face palmed, "So wasted on her!"

* * *

A/N: Love golf, and Diana. Just don't think the two would mix. Let me know if you liked it!


	26. Bleeping Drinking with the Flash

"Okay Flash. We agreed to let you go out drinking with us, but there are ground rules."

Flash nodded with a massive grin on his face. "This is going to be soooo much (_**bleeping**_) fun."

Diana sighed, "That is what I am afraid of. Please just try and behave yourself."

Dinah chuckled, "Says the woman who ends up in the middle of every ridiculous drinking game Helena comes up with."

Diana shrugged. "What? She's very clever."

Shayera roared, "Really? How is playing duck, duck, goose in the house clever? And where the (_**bleep**_) did you two find a goose?"

Helena interjected, "It was a quality idea."

Dinah rolled her eyes. "It was huh? Maybe so, right up until the point you yelled 'GET TO DA CHOPPA' and burst through the screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose."

Helena stuck her tongue out. "Diana found me. Besides you didn't even try and come get me."

Shayera stifled a laugh, "She couldn't function. It was to the point where she was using a bottle cap as a monocle."

Dinah playfully shoved the red head. "That isn't helping."

Flash looked at the four women standing around him, and could not stop smiling. "Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge."

Shayera grabbed Flash's arm and pulled him into the bar, with the other women following closely behind.

"You have crazy metabolism Flash. So for every drink we have, you have to do two. It keeps the drunken factor even I think."

Flash rapidly rubbed his hands together. "Deal. Let's start."

The five companions bellied up to the bar and ordered drinks. Shots were placed in front of them all, and Diana leaned over to Flash. "Here's how this works. We count to three and then slam the liquid. The last one to set their glass on the bar has to immediately do another. Ready?"

Flash, still wearing a massive grin, nodded, and Dinah counted. "One, two, three!"

Immediately everyone tipped their shot glasses back and slammed them down on the bar.

Flash managed to do two shots to everyone else's one, with Helena being the last to set hers down.

"(_**Bleep**_)!" Helena grumbled.

Shayera giggled, "Order her shot Flash."

"She has to drink whatever I order?"

"Yep. That's how we play. One of the winners chooses the shot for the loser."

Flash laughed and leaned over the bar and ordered. Within moments a shot was placed in front of Helena. She picked it up and slid it under her nose. "What the (_**bleep**_) is this?"

"A seven layer nightmare."

Helena scrunched her nose and held the shot away from her face. "This thing (_**bleeping**_) stinks!"

Flash laughed, "Just drink it!"

Helena brought the shot back to her nose, "I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation."

Flash turned to Diana, "Are you the rule enforcer here?"

Diana looked at Flash for a moment with a blank stare, and then suddenly started laughing. "Yes. Drink the (_**bleeping**_) thing Helena. Unless you are chicken…"

Helena's eyes went wide. "I am not a chicken! Shut up Flash! Quit hiding behind Diana's skirt."

Flash leaned over Diana's shoulder, "Drink Helena."

Helena took a deep breath and gritted her teeth, her face contorting painfully. She lifted the glass and slammed the liquid. She managed to swallow the concoction, with painful effort. "That was awful! What the (_**bleep**_) was in that?"

The group laughed at Helena. Flash answered, "It's called a seven layer nightmare. 7 different liquors. The more you drink, the more layers of clothes come off, until you are passed out next to the toilet."

Helena shuddered, "I better not lose again. That was heinous."

As the group continued to drink, and became intoxicated, the conversation went straight to the gutter.

Flash slurred, "…I don't know wish is a more 'pressive stolen object, the couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because I'm pretty sure thas a fedral offense."

Dinah stumbled forward a bit, "When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why."

Helena slapped Diana's back. "The moment we started interpretive dancing that night would've been a good time to stop drinking."

Flash's eyes went wide, "You two were dancing together?"

Shayera tumbled into Diana and grinned lasciviously. "You dancing with other women now?"

"I would harldy, I mean , hardly, wait, what was the question?" Diana garbled.

"Bartender! 'Nother round for my gurlfrends. I needs to see sum dancing." Flash took two crooked steps and steadied himself on the counter.

A busty brunette sitting near the group arched her eyebrow. She scooted next to Wally and asked, "You really here with all these women?"

"Yep! Thas my harem."

"Really? And they don't care that you are with them all?"

"Nope! Right ladies?"

Shayera put her arm around Wally's neck and looked at the brunette. "It's huge!"

Diana straddled Flash's right hip and placed her hand across his abdomen. "He wears us out."

Dinah leaned across his back and slid her hands down his chest. "He makes me sweat so much I end up looking like Whitney Houston, and I definitely hit those high notes."

The group was quiet for a moment waiting for Helena to join. The 4 superheroes looked over at Helena who was leaning over a bar stool with one hand. "(_**Bleep**_). I think the nightmare is beginning. A lil' help here please."

The three women left Flash's side and helped Helena stand up straight.

Flash turned his attention back to the brunette. "Impressed?"

"I am. Those are gorgeous women. Want to get out of here?"

"YES I DO!"

"Will your friends care?"

Flash looked back at the women. "Naw, they just keep each other company when I am not around."

Flash took the brunette's hand and started to walk out.

Helena burped, "Is he really sticking us with his tab?"

All four women stared at each other and then caught up quickly to the pair. Diana started, "Before you go, you need to know some things about our man here."

Dinah interjected, "At first it will seem weird that he hums the Jaws theme when he takes your pants off. You will get used to it though."

Shayera took her turn. "And he may refer to your va-jay-jay as Splash Mountain. Go with it."

Flash felt the brunette let go of his hand. He turned to her, "They are kidding. I don't do either of those things. I swear!"

"Wally," Helena began, "she needs to know." She looked at the brunette, "In the morning, you will debate whether your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when 'Did I get hit with a nightstick' is a legitimate question."

"(_**Bleepers**_). I thought we had an understanding." Flash grumbled.

Diana nodded, "We do. But I have to say that I have seen you bring out the stuffed sheep once too many times. I was going to tell you tonight, but I think I might be a lesbian now because of it."

The brunette became disgusted and walked away, "You guys are freaks."

Flash scowled for a moment, and then laughed, "I hate you all so much right now."

Dinah grinned, "And that Flash is what we call a clam jam."

"A what?"

"Same as a cock block, but, you know, female style. You shouldn't have tried to skip out on your tab."

Shayera laughed, "Think you want to go drinking with us on Saturday? We might also be jousting on bikes."

Flash shook his head and walked to the bar again. "You guys _**are**_ freaks." He raised his hand, "Bartender! 'Nother round."

Helena burped again and immediately put her hand to her mouth. She ran to the back of the bar and kicked open the bathroom door. The women laughed, but Flash looked after her concerned. "She gonna be alright?"

Dinah shrugged, "She rallies. Wait a second and then go in there. I swear that you will never see someone's head fit in a toilet so perfectly."

* * *

A/N: Well, our superheroes have turned into lushes thanks to the last few times I have been to the text website. Hope you laughed!


	27. Scary Bleeping Things

The four women sat around in one of the living rooms in the Tower. Their conversation had become quite animated.

Helena squealed, "The best part was when Diana punched him in the nose! I swear I heard it shatter from like 20 feet away. (_**Bleeping**_) amazing!"

Dinah nodded, "Seriously Diana, that was totally bad (_**bleep**_)!"

Diana chuckled, "It felt good too. I love that we get to hit the bad guys."

Helena continued, "You know, this will sound stupid, but I am pretty sure you are my hero. Seriously, that guy had taken down 5 League members before you stopped him dead in his tracks. Aren't you ever afraid? Just a little?"

Diana scoffed. "Afraid? No way. There is no room in my life for fear." The Amazon puffed her chest out a little with the last statement.

Shayera rolled her eyes, "Diana, what a bunch of horse (_**bleep**_). Are you really sitting here claiming that there is nothing you are afraid of?"

Diana laughed at the thought. "What on earth could possibly scare me? I have stared down the barrel of guns, had rockets shot at me, fought superhuman villains, and lived to tell every story. Seriously, there was this one time with Aresia…"

Shayera interrupted immediately, laughing. "Diana, you are such a liar! This is your last chance, admit that there is something you are afraid of."

Helena answered instead. "My girl Wonder Woman isn't afraid of anything!"

Dinah smiled, "Really, I can't think of one single thing that would scare Diana."

Shayera shrugged, "Fine. Then why don't you (_**bleeps**_) ask Diana what she is going to do about the roach that I just saw scurry across the floor?"

Diana immediately jumped up and stood on the couch in a panic. "A roach? Where is it? Kill it Shayera!"

Helena's eyes went wide, and her jaw dropped. "Are you (_**bleeping**_) serious?"

Diana squirmed and inched her way across the coach to stand behind Shayera on the cushion, the whole time scanning the floor for the dirty predator. "Shayera, where is it?" Her voice was several octaves above normal, and panic was definitely setting in.

Dinah looked at Diana in total disbelief. "You are afraid of roaches? You could crush a car with your pinky and that is what bothers you?"

Diana shuddered, "You don't understand. They aren't natural. They have those hairy little legs, and are just, well, icky."

Helena laughed, "Did you really just say 'icky'?"

Diana pushed Shayera's shoulder, "Seriously, where is it?"

Shayera looked at her friends, and winked. "Thing about roaches is, they are really fast. I am not sure where it went."

Diana whined, "Find it Shayera! I can't stand here forever."

Helena laughed again, "Then get down (_**bleep**_) it. And when it comes out, step on it. You are a (_**bleeping**_) Amazon. I am pretty sure you can take it out."

Diana shook her head adamantly in disagreement. "I can't. They make noises when you kill them, and oh god…" Diana covered her mouth at the end of the thought.

Dinah smirked. "They do have that gross liquid that comes out when you squish them."

Diana turned green and continued to hold her hand in place.

Shayera looked back at her girlfriend, and sighed. "Sweetheart, get down. There is no roach."

But Diana didn't move.

"Babe, please, it was a joke. Don't get worked up. Sit down. There is nothing in here. We are on a space station. How the (_**bleep**_) would we get roaches up here?"

"I dunno Shayera, I really thought I saw one." Helena barely choked out while looking at Diana who was practically standing on Shayera's shoulders at this point.

Diana groaned and continued to scan the floor.

"If you are that afraid, why not leave the room?" Dinah smiled.

Diana moved her hand, "Because, (_**bleepers**_), then I would have to get on the floor, and it could cross my path. It can't get me up here."

Helena leaned back and grinned conspiratorially, "Not true. Some varieties fly you know."

Diana's stopped squirming as the thought set in. Immediately she turned and launched herself off the back of the couch, flying at break neck speed through the wall by the doorway, completely demolishing it, and squealing the whole way.

Shayera sighed, and then chuckled. "That's my girl. Kick anyone's (_**bleep**_), but afraid of a little bug. Give it a few days guys, but then ask her about worms."

* * *

A/N: Silliness, I know. But how funny would it be if the only things that Diana would be scared of were roaches and worms? (She'd still be my hero, cause roaches are definitely icky.) *shudders*


	28. Activities to Avoid Bleeping Drinking

Diana eyed the other three women suspiciously. "Fishing? Fishing for what? And since when do you guys like to do this?"

Helena smiled. "It has become apparent lately that we seem to be drinking far more than normal. I thought we could enjoy a sober activity instead. I really do not want people to think that we are nothing but drunken lushes."

Dinah laughed, "Why on Earth would they have that idea?"

Helena stuck her tongue out but said nothing in reply.

"So what do you think? Want to try fishing Diana?" Shayera asked.

"I don't know. What kind of fishing?"

"Something simple," Dinah smirked. "I was thinking we could go to a lake somewhere and just cast out and see what bites."

Diana narrowed her eyes. "And what are we using for bait?"

Shayera stifled a giggle. "The standard. Lures, small pin fish…"

"AND?" Diana squealed.

Dinah turned and looked down at the bucket at her feet. It was filled with dirt. "And…these." She reached in and pulled out a worm. It was squirming in between her fingers.

"OH (_**BLEEP**_) NO!" Diana exclaimed.

The trio laughed hard. Shayera, in between howls, managed, "Sweetheart. It is okay. It is just a worm. You can touch it."

"This is not (_**bleeping**_) funny! I am not touching that vile thing."

Helena smiled, "Why not?"

Dinah took a step closer to Diana, "It is just a silly worm. It can't bite you."

Diana looked at the brown little creature still moving around in Dinah's fingers. She was unable to suppress the shudder that ran down the length of her body. "If you take another step towards me, I will be forced to defend myself. So, unless you want to find yourself asexual just like that (_**bleep**_) thing..."

Dinah considered the threat for a moment and then took another step towards Diana. Instantly the Amazon swatted the blonde's hand and the worm went flying through the air, hitting Shayera in the chest.

Shayera snickered, and grabbed the worm before it slipped into dangerous territory.

Helena roared. "Give me that (_**bleep**_) thing. We can't have you eating our bait!"

Shayera arched her eyebrow. "Why in (_**bleep**_) would I eat this thing?"

Between fits of giggles, Helena managed, "That's the saying isn't it? Early bird gets the worm?"

Dinah instantly muffled her laughter with her clean hand, and even Diana was struggling to control her mirth.

"(_**Bleep**_) holes. I do not eat worms!"

"Look, I am not judging. I have seen several birds dining on them before. Are they tasty Shayera?" Helena asked still laughing.

"You tell me. Back to the lush thing, I am SURE you have eaten the worm before while drinking Tequila."

Diana recoiled in horror, "Sick. Have you actually done that?"

Dinah stopped laughing. "Have you? 'Cause that is definitely gross."

"Who are you (_**bleepers**_) to judge any type of behavior that would be considered gross? As I recall, Diana, you fart in elevators. Dinah, you have some weird fetish with bathroom germs, and Shayera, you stuck your hand up a turkey's rectum."

Shayera squealed, "I did not! I specifically avoided it!"

Helena stood stammered for a moment. "Well, whatever, are we fishing or not?"

Shayera eyed the worm. "No, I think I am going to pass. This is sort of disgusting. And…" She turned her attention to Diana, and grinned mischievously, "They squish out all sorts of guts and juices when you put them on the hook."

Diana turned green and bolted from the room.

Shayera shrugged and tossed the worm back into the bucket. "You guys want to go drinking tonight instead?"

Her remaining two friends nodded in assent. Dinah looked at Helena, "No tequila. It may be days before I kiss you again. And you need to get some mouthwash immediately. And you…" she pointed at Shayera, "Go wash your chest. Otherwise it may be days before Diana lets you back into her bed. Assuming she has stopped hurling by then…"

* * *

A/N: After the roach incident, and alluding to worms, how could we not see this? Hope you liked...


	29. Bleep the Dukes of Hazzard

Quick note: This chapter is dedicated to lilbit1016. She somehow has adopted me, but as sweet as she is, I couldn't tell her no. She inadvertently gave me this idea a couple of nights ago. I hope this makes you laugh lil sis.

* * *

Dinah squealed as she ripped open the package that had come in the mail.

"Helena! It's here! Are you ready to have the most amazing time ever?"

From the kitchen she heard the brunette reply, "Dinah, you have been promising that for a while. I keep hanging out waiting..." The response was followed by laugher.

"(_**Bleep**_)." Dinah muttered. She raised her voice a little more, "You know, keep it up. I could very easily replace you with what I just got in the mail. And frankly I would be happy."

Helena strutted out of the kitchen. "First of all, I am irreplaceable. Second, what the (_**bleep**_) did you get in the mail? Cause I am pretty sure your nightstand drawer is full."

Dinah rolled her eyes, "Get your head out of the gutter. Seriously, almost everything that comes out of your mouth is pornographic."

"That is a (_**bleeping**_) lie."

Dinah giggled along with Helena. Finally the brunette looked at what Dinah was clutching to her chest. "Whatcha got?"

"Dukes of Hazzard, season one. We are soooo not going anywhere tonight other than the couch."

Helena scrunched her nose. "I'm sorry, did you just say the Dukes of Hazzard? What the (_**bleep**_) is that?"

"An American television classic. I absolutely love this show! Now go answer the door. That will be Shayera and Diana. I invited them over."

"What? The doorbell didn't even..." The thought was cut off by a chime. Helena looked at Dinah, "How the (_**bleep**_) did you know that?"

"I have excellent hearing. I heard them walk up."

Helena walked away mumbling, "I would too but someone is always screaming in my ear..."

Dinah laughed, "I heard that!"

Helena reached the front door and opened it. She mock bowed and spread her arm out inviting the couple in. "Ladies, and I use term loosely Shayera, welcome. Our own private tour of (_**bleep**_) will begin in the living room as soon as Dinah loads the DVD player."

Shayera and Diana grinned and walked through the entrance.

Diana leaned over and whispered into Helena's ear, "Is this going to be anything like the Golden Girls marathon she made us watch?"

Helena shrugged, "Probably. But your opinion was tainted the moment we told you that out of all of us, you were most likely Dorothy. Are you sure Bea Arthur wasn't an Amazon?"

Shayera chuckled as Diana's face soured. She took the taller woman's hand and dragged her to the living room. They both plopped down on the couch, instantly snuggling. Shayera kissed Diana's cheek and whispered, "I don't care how bad this is, please just grin and bear it for me."

"You only say that because you know Dinah's tastes in movies and television shows sucks."

"I'll make it up to you later."

"Liar."

Shayera just smiled sweetly as Dinah inserted the first disc. Once the title screen came up, Diana instantly asked, "What the (_**bleep**_) is the Dukes of Hazzard?"

Helena snickered garnering an ugly look from Dinah. Shayera elbowed the Amazon. Dinah took her seat next to Helena as the show began. After a few minutes, Dinah was absorbed into the show. Diana looked confused by what she was seeing and hearing. "Did he just say his name was penis?"

Dinah huffed, "No, his name is Enos."

Diana leaned over to Shayera, "Why is anus any better?"

Shayera giggled, and Helena roared. Dinah was none too amused. A few minutes later Diana spoke again, "Okay, now I know I am hearing things...that guy's name is Cooter?"

Dinah growled, "Shayera, please, control her."

Helena chimed in, "It's a legit question. Why not name him..."

Dinah growled, "Thin ice Helena."

Helena smirked but didn't finish the thought she had started.

After a few more moments, Diana spoke up again. "Uncle Jesse looks like a redneck version of Santa. Paint those overalls red and tell him what you want for Christmas."

Helena cackled but said nothing; Diana was doing all the work for her. After a few more minutes, Diana sighed, "What can you possibly find good about this show?"

Dinah smirked, " Wait for it..."

Within moments Diana leaned forward and her opinion did a 180. "Yeah she's got some legs!"

"Holy (_**bleep**_) hotness!" Helena uttered.

"Who is that?" Shayera asked slightly salivating.

"Ladies, that is Daisy Duke."

Diana shook her head, "No, **THAT**, is the love of my life."

Shayera nodded her head, and then the realization dawned on her. "**WHAT?**"

All eyes shifted to Diana who stammered, "I-I said she should wear gloves at night. Her hands look cold."

"I'm calling bull(_**bleep**_) on that one," Helena needled.

Diana gave Shayera her best puppy dog eyes, but the redhead crossed her arms in defiance. "See if Daisy will keep you warm on the couch tonight."

Dinah smiled, "Ouch! We see who wears the pants there. And by the way Diana, Daisy is like 80 now."

Shayera snorted and pointed at Diana, "So is she."

Diana glared playfully at Shayera and lightly bit the finger pointing at her. Shayera squealed and all was suddenly forgiven. They snuggled once more as Dinah got up and ejected the DVD.

"I can't possibly enjoy this with you guys. I am picking something else." She stared a few minutes at her collection and suddenly became giddy. "I know what we can watch!"

She reached out and grabbed her selection. Quickly her choice was loaded, and Dinah bounded back to her seat. The moment the theme song started, everyone but Dinah groaned.

The blonde instantly became defensive, "And what exactly is wrong with The Beverly Hillbillies?"

Helena leaned over and whispered to Diana, "I don't know about the rest of them, but there isn't a (_**bleeping**_) thing wrong with Ellie Mae!"

* * *

A/N: Ok, I am from the South, as is the person this chapter was dedicated to. I hate the Dukes of Hazzard, but was promptly put in my place when Daisy Duke was mentioned. The line about the legs is a direct quote from lilbit1016. There you go...schooled by someone younger than me. Hope you all laughed.


	30. Random Bleeping Thoughts

The four women sat around a table in a coffee house. Everyone was sipping on their favorite drink, and making general small talk. After a few moments, Helena got quiet . She was staring off into the distance, and seemed to be contemplating something heavy.

Dinah shook the brunette. "Helena, Earth to Helena, where are you?"

Helena blinked her eyes a few times, and then rejoined the land of the living. "Sorry guys, I just had the weirdest train of thought."

Shayera grinned, "What's on your mind?"

"Well, okay, this will sound strange, but do you suppose that anyone ever did a background check on Mister Rogers?"

"What the (_**bleep**_)?" Dinah choked.

Diana scrunched her nose and leaned over to Shayera. "Who the (_**bleep**_) is Mister Rogers?"

Shayera shrugged her shoulders.

Helena continued, "I mean, think about it. Everyone just assumes that he was cool, but he never seemed right to me. What grown man do you know that plays with puppets? And why was the train track right next to the castle? And there was a tank that he dumped food in all the time, but I don't remember seeing fish. And seriously, why do you have to change your shoes when you are indoors? I don't get it. There was something off about the whole thing."

Dinah rolled her eyes, "Really? You are (_**bleeping**_) on Mister Rogers? I loved him growing up."

Helena just looked confused. "And that lead me somewhere else. There were several things that I never understood as a kid and still don't. Can someone explain to me how the (_**bleep**_) there were 99 Smurfs but for the longest time Smurfette was the only girl? What kind of nastiness was she up to?"

Diana leaned over to Shayera again. "Smurfs?"

Once again Shayera shrugged.

Dinah glared at Helena, "Babe, did you just call Smurfette a whore?"

"Obviously, she was. After a while there were younger Smurfs and a baby showed up eventually. If the cartoon was true to life, her back would have hunched like mice do after breeding multiple times. Smurfette was (_**bleeping**_) like a rabbit really. And that means that they were all inbred. But I don't remember seeing any Southern Smurfs."

Dinah's eyes went wide, "Southern Smurfs? Not all Southerners are inbred. Where are you getting this (_**bleep**_)?"

Helena ignored the comment and kept going. "And what about He-Man? He looked the exact same as Adam did, and no one figured this (_**bleep**_) out? Seriously, the only difference was his tan."

Before Diana could utter a word, Shayera put her hand up in the Amazon's face. "Seriously, I have no (_**bleeping**_) idea what any of this is."

Helena shrugged, "And then that led me to Superman." She lowered her voice. "Really, his disguise is not any better. Same hair, same build, same voice, and the only thing that is different are his glasses. How the (_**bleep**_) is anyone fooled? And then you know what I thought?"

Dinah mumbled, "Do tell genius."

"Well, he is the Man of Steel, right? But I have seen Diana break steel bars like they were nothing. So does that mean Diana could break him too?"

Dinah couldn't believe what she was hearing, "Are you high? Seriously, what the (_**bleep**_)?"

Diana leaned over, "Wait a second, are you saying I couldn't?"

Dinah stammered, "What? No, I didn't mean..."

Diana interjected, "Because I could definitely..."

Shayera snickered, "We are not having this argument."

Diana stared at the redhead, "Why not? Unless you agree with Dinah and think that I couldn't?" She turned her head to the other brunette. "What do you think Helena?"

"Ummm…I think Lois would be really pissed at you. CAUSE YOU COULD TOTALLY BRING HIM TO HIS KNEES!"

Helena laughed and high-fived Diana.

Shayera snorted. "You two are so ridiculous."

Helena started again, "Anyways, after I thought about Superman and Diana, then I started thinking about strong things. And that led me to vampires."

Dinah asked, "Vampires?"

"Yeah, vampires. But not Twillight. I hated those books. I was thinking more like True Blood."

"Wait a second," Dinah interjected, "I loved Twilight."

Shayera nodded, "Finally something I can comment on. Team Jacob, or Team Edward?"

Dinah smiled, "Team Edward all the way!"

Shayera giggled, "Sparkling is way sexier than smelling like a dog."

Helena shook her head in disgust. She turned to Diana and whispered, "And we are the ones who are ridiculous?"

Shayera huffed, "Diana, Team Edward or Team Jacob?"

Diana looked around the group completely confused. She leaned over to Helena and asked quietly, "Which one are we voting for?"

Helena was silent for a moment, and then whispered her reply. Diana nodded and turned her attention back to the other women. "Neither. I vote for Team Rosalie."

"THAT ISN'T AN OPTION!" Shayera shrieked.

Diana leaned back and crossed her arms. "Whatever. I could kick Edward and Jacob's (_**bleeps**_) too. Put them on the list Helena."

Helena laughed, "Anyways, as I was saying, True Blood has way better vampires."

Dinah sneered, "Name ONE."

Helena smirked, "Pamela Swynford de Beaufort."

Dinah opened her mouth to object but then promptly closed it. "This has to be the strangest conversation ever. You went from Mister Rogers is a pervert, to a slutty Smurfette, to inbred Southerners, to He-man's tan, to Superman and Diana fighting, to vampires, to Twilight, and then to True Blood. What the (_**bleep**_) are you drinking in that cup? Whatever it is I think you should be cut off."

Helena playfully slapped Dinah's hand when she reached for her drink. The brunette picked up the cup and took a big sip. Then she promptly started speaking again. "Speaking of gratuitous violence, anyone here ever think about the mass carnage one could inflict on Barney?"

* * *

A/N:Guys, I can't explain this one. I have these same random thought processes. Strange I know. No offense intended to Southerners. (I am one of you!) But I am sticking to my guns...Smurfette is a whore. Go Team Rosalie! HAHAHHA...whatever that means. (Bleep!) I just had another random thought. How hot would it be to see a crossover with Rosalie and Pam? SOMEONE write that story! And now I am putting the caffeine down.


	31. Bleeping Ringside Seats

Quick note: For BladeMaster357...

* * *

Helena leaned over to Dinah and giggled. "I can't believe that Superman agreed to do this."

Dinah laughed, "I can't believe you and Flash sold tickets. And popcorn. Seriously, whose idea was this?"

Helena grinned conspiratorially. "It was Flash's idea to hold the contest, and to get the League involved. All money raised will go to charity. And honestly, who wouldn't pay to see Diana and Clark go at it? I simply cannot wait!"

They walked to a large room with circus type seating, chairs lining the outside of an inflatable ring. Other League members were anxiously awaiting the main event to begin. A few moments later, Shayera walked up and sat down next to the pair.

"Guys, you should see Diana. She looks ridiculous. If she wasn't fighting Clark, I don't think we would have ever convinced her to do this. On a side note, I ran into Lois on the way in. She is pretty confident that her man will win. We have a side bet going."

Dinah reached into her pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. "I may have taken some bets of my own. Sorry, though, Shayera, odds are on Superman for this one."

"No (_**bleeping**_) way he beats Diana. She's going to flatten him."

Helena nodded in agreement. "Diana will totally whip him around that ring."

Suddenly the lights went dim in the room, and the various superheroes began clapping. Flash zoomed into the center, microphone in hand, bouncing up and down. "Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for the fight of the ages?"

The crowd went wild. He continued, "In the blue corner, hailing from Kansas, proving that there has been something worthwhile to come out of that state, he stands at, um, he is really tall and strong, and can peek under women's clothing. He is the one, the only, SUMO SUPERMAN!"

And with the utterance, Superman floated down into the center of the ring. He was donning a large, inflatable sumo wrestling suit, with his signature cape draped across the large expanse of his back. Clark grinned as he wobbled around the ring in the ridiculous suit.

Flash waited for the crowd to quiet down and then began speaking again, "And in the red corner, hailing from an island that no one can find, but that I would give my left testicle to live on, she is the baddest thing apart from Chuck Norris to ever draw a breath. She hates the color green, I give you, the mother of my future children once she leaves Shayera, SUMO WONDER WOMAN!"

The crowd laughed and instantly began applauding. Wonder Woman waddled down an aisle tugging at the neck of the suit. She floated herself up over the inflated ropes and landed in the center of the ring. The two dark haired super powers stood face to face rubbing bellies in the middle. Flash tossed the microphone off to the side and began giving the fighters instructions.

"Keep it clean. This is for charity, and my own personal amusement. Superman, no using your laser vision to poke holes in the suit. I have to return them later, and I don't want to lose my deposit. Diana," he turned to the Amazon, "no nut checks. Lois made me promise to warn you that it would not be (_**bleeping**_) tolerated."

Both Superman and Diana laughed, and nodded their heads. Flash stepped out of the ring, and a bell sounded. Neither moved for a moment. Diana took a step back, "I would shake your hand, but this suit is rather constricting. Ready for a beat down Clark?"

"I don't usually like to hit girls, but you don't really count."

Superman laughed as Diana's eyes narrowed and she charged him. Their bellies hit square in the center and sent both flying backwards into the ropes. They came barreling back at each other full force knocking each other around the ring. This went on for several minutes until Superman got the upper hand. He knocked Diana onto her back and immediately climbed to the top of a turnbuckle and dove straight down on her. He landed the splash on her chest and went bouncing over into a corner. Diana laughed and got up. She pinned him into the corner and placed her hands on each side of him. She leaned back and repeatedly crashed her inflated body into his until he fell on his backside in the corner, desperately trying to breathe through his laughter. Diana turned around and placed her sumo butt in his face to the delight of the crowd.

"Oh my God! How (_**bleeping**_) hysterical. That's my girl!" Shayera was busting a gut as she stood and yelled, "(_**Bleep**_) yeah Diana!"

Diana grinned, but then her eyes went wide as she was sent with a gust of wind from the Man of Steel's mouth across the ring. The fighting continued until both were on their knees huffing and puffing in the middle of the ring.

"I am sweating like a whore in church," Diana mumbled.

Clark nodded, "I have flown to the sun, and I don't remember it being this hot."

"Draw?"

Clark nodded, "Yes. Draw."

Both stood, and Flash came zooming into the ring. "No draws! Someone has to win!"

Clark and Diana looked at each other and smirked. Suddenly Flash found himself squished in between the two. The crowd erupted and clapped.

From his knees, Flash muttered, "Traitors." After a moment though, he could not contain his own laughter. He stood up and thanked the spectators for coming. Slowly Diana and Clark peeled off the suits, stripping down to their normal costumes. Flash zoomed over to Diana and offered to help, only to be met with an ugly glare from the now approaching Shayera.

"The mother of your children Flash? Really?"

Flash laughed, "Everything I said was true."

"I do hate the color green." Diana stated. "Wonder if we could get him into one of these (_**bleeping**_) things?"

* * *

A/N: No way Diana gets the "Green Man" in the ring and lets him get out alive...


	32. Marry, Bleep, Kill

Quick note: For Jay and Lilbit1016. Both of you had a weird hand in the development of this one...

* * *

The four women sat around the same coffee table they usually did on their day off. Helena, once again, was swigging on some high octane caffeine concoction. She smiled brightly after a quick sip, and addressed the group.

"Let's play a game you guys."

Diana perked up, "Oh no! Last time we played truth or dare, I had to flash the Flash. He stalked me for a few days after that."

Shayera laughed, "Can you blame him? You flashed me once, and I'm still stalking you! Although, I am not keen on the idea of you showing the girls to anyone again."

Diana stared at Shayera, "Well, then let's not even talk about some of the dares you have accepted. Honestly, what were you thinking pinching Booster Gold's (_**bleep**_)?"

"How does that even compare? I pinched him, but you showed Flash your boobs!"

Helena laughed, "I was pretty sure we were going to have to jump start his heart after that little display."

Shayera snorted, "Little?"

Helena shook her head with mirth, "Point taken. They aren't little. But I wasn't suggesting truth or dare. I got something else in mind. We're gonna play marry, (_**bleep**_), or kill."

Dinah chuckled. "I love this game!"

Diana looked warily at the pair. "First tell me how you play."

Helena replied, "It's simple. One of us names 3 people, and then you have to say which one you would marry, which one you would (_**bleep**_), and which one you would kill. Simple?"

Shayera smiled, "We'll play."

"Ok, Dinah, you go first. Your choices are Rosie O'Donnell, Oprah Winfrey, and Jerry Springer.

Dinah cringed. "Ugh. Ok, I am going to marry Oprah, (_**bleep**_) Jerry Springer, and kill Rosie."

"Ewww," Helena drawled, "you'd (_**bleep**_) Jerry Springer?"

Dinah snorted. "If those are my choices, then yes, I would rock Jerry's world. My turn. Shayera, let's see...Michael Jackson, Latoya Jackson, and the rest of the Jackson 5."

The table laughed out loud. Shayera cringed.

"Sick. I guess I am marrying Michael, killing Latoya, and (_**bleeping**_) the Jackson 5."

Everyone belly laughed. Dinah, in between fits of laughter asked, "Did I just hear you correctly? You'd let the rest of the Jackson 5 run the train on you?"

Shayera squirmed, "Latoya is revolting. And no way I let Michael Jackson stick his multi-colored pecker inside me."

The table howled again.

The redhead shuddered, and then turned to her Amazon. "Flavor Flav, Marilyn Manson, Courtney Love."

Helena leaned over to Dinah, "I'll be surprised if she knows who any of them are."

Diana glared. "I realize that I struggle sometimes with pop culture, but I am not completely oblivious."

Shayera laughed, "You have no idea who they are do you?"

Diana smiled sheepishly. "Nope."

"Alright, how about this then? Joker, Penguin, Grodd."

Diana reeled, "That is vile! One of those is a gorilla!"

Dinah almost fell out of her seat. "Guess we know who you are killing."

Diana gagged slightly. "No. (_**Bleep**_)! I will marry Grodd, (_**bleep**_) the Penguin, and kill the Joker."

Again, more laughter. Helena asked, "I wonder what Penguin's 'O' face would be? Bet he cackles during sex too. Wa wa wa Diana."

Diana turned green. "Why is it that I feel like I need a shower suddenly?"

Helena smiled, "Pick three for me Diana."

Diana sat quietly for a moment, "George Bush, Barbara Bush, Hilary Clinton."

Helena mimicked vomiting. "I will marry Barbara, and kill George. I would (_**bleep**_) the (_**bleep**_) outta Hilary."

Dinah scooted her chair away from Helena a little. "I'm not so sure you should be excited about that last one."

Helena laughed and pecked Dinah's cheek. "I like bottle blondes."

Dinah's eyes went wide. "(_**Bleep**_)hole!"

Helena winked at Dinah. "Big Bird, Cookie Monster, and the Count."

Diana laughed so hard that she snorted.

"Hold on, Diana, you watch Sesame Street?"

Diana suddenly glared at Helena. "So what?"

Helena threw her hands up in mock submission. Dinah interjected, "Makes perfect sense. She is dating Big Bird." She nodded her head towards Shayera.

Everyone laughed, except the redhead. A few moments later she joined in the merriment. "Wrong, Dinah, she is (_**bleeping**_) Big Bird." Shayera turned her face towards Diana, "Aren't you sweetheart?"

Diana smiled but didn't answer.

Dinah finally spoke up, "Well, obvious jokes aside, I am killing Big Bird, marrying the Cookie Monster, and (_**bleeping**_) the Count."

Diana clapped, "Can I please do the impression of that?" She cleared her throat and managed a horrible Transylvanian accent. "One, ah ah, two, ah ah, three, ah ah, three fingers, ah ah ah."

Helena covered her mouth and her face went red. Dinah was mortified. "You better not say a word!"

Shayera's jaw dropped. "Diana! That was so dirty."

Diana was confused, "Why? I just counted to three."

Dinah blushed, "Moving on, here are yours Shayera: Superman, Batman, Martian Manhunter."

"I would marry Superman, (_**bleep**_) the Martian, and kill Batman."

Helena was surprised, "I get marrying Superman, but why (_**bleep**_) J'onn over Batman?"

"Simple. He could morph into Batman or Superman. It's a win-win." Shayera chuckled until she saw the look of disgust on Diana's face. "Or not..." she mumbled.

Helena bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing at the Amazon again.

"Babe, really, it's a game. I don't want to sleep with either."

Dinah rolled her eyes.

Shayera sighed, then smirked, "You think it's easy choosing between friends? Fine. Me, Dinah, Helena."

Diana thought about the choices for a moment. "Huh. I have already (_**bleeped**_) you, so that's out. So I will marry Shayera."

"You would? That's so sweet," Shayera beamed.

Diana looked at her other friends. Both were paying rapt attention. Diana continued, "That means I would (_**bleep**_) Helena, and kill Dinah."

"Ha!" Helena shouted.

Dinah looked sullen.

Diana reached across the table and squeezed Dinah's hand. "Really what choice would I have? I cant have you hitting the crescendo and belting out the Canary Cry during sex. I'd be deaf like Helena. Don't worry, out of respect for our friendship, I'd make it quick."

Everyone laughed except Dinah.

Helena leaned over, "Awww, babe. I'd miss you..." she turned her attention to Diana, "but I imagine I would be having one (_**bleep**_) of a sex life in the meantime."

Diana winked at Helena. Shayera nodded her head for a moment, and then suddenly realized what had been said. "Wait a second..."

* * *

A/N: Okay, now it's official. This is my favorite chapter to date. Please, tell me what you thought. This series is a labor of love. So let me know if you are laboring through it, or if you love it.


	33. Cultural Bleeping Lessons

Dinah and Shayera were sitting quietly in the monitoring area of the Watchtower. With nothing really happening in the world, the conversation was light, a variety of topics being discussed. Without any warning, the Green Lantern came storming into the room.

"Shayera!" he bellowed. "You and I need to speak right now!"

Shayera and Dinah turned around instantly noticing immediately how angry the man looked.

"John, what's wrong?" the redhead asked concerned.

"I just ran into Diana. She was nothing short of rude. Put a (_**bleep**_) leash on that woman, before I have to check her attitude."

"Excuse me?" Shayera sneered. "I am not sure I heard you correctly."

"I'm serious Shayera. She needs to learn to control that mouth of hers. And you..." he pointed at Dinah, "the same goes for Helena. Be grateful that I don't hit women." And with the utterance he stormed out of the room.

"What the (_**bleep**_) was that all about?" Dinah mumbled.

"Who knows with him."

Shayera and Dinah returned their attention to the monitors. A few minutes later Diana and Helena entered the room laughing.

Shayera stood and addressed the pair. "What have you two been up to?"

"Helena has been giving me lessons," replied the Amazon.

"(_**Bleep**_)," Dinah muttered, "this won't be good."

Shayera continued, "What type of lessons?"

Helena laughed, "Diana came to me and asked that I help her with her cultural awareness, and I agreed to teach her some things. We have spent the day expanding her vocabulary."

"There's nothing wrong with her vocabulary," Shayera insisted.

"She means she has been teaching Diana slang," Dinah pointed out sounding completely exasperated.

"Oh (_**bleep**_). What did you say to John?" Shayera asked Diana.

Diana shrugged, "I told him I was down with O.P.P."

Helena chuckled earning a nasty glare from Dinah. Shayera's eyes went wide. "You said what?"

"It means other people's..." Diana started.

Shayera held her hand up. "I know what it means. Why would you say that to him?"

"Why are you angry?" Diana asked confused. "The last 'P' stands for property."

Shayera snapped her head towards Helena. "Is that what you told her it meant?"

At this point Helena started belly laughing. "It does, that's just not how he took it."

"You and I both know that isn't all it means." Shayera quipped.

"Well, in my defense, Diana and I hadn't got to that part of the lesson before she said it to him."

The Amazon seemed unfazed, "The Diana didn't care for his reaction."

Shayera sputtered, "T-T-The Diana?"

"Helena says it can be cool to refer to yourself in the third person. I was just practicing."

"Sweetheart," Shayera started with strained patience, "what else did Helena teach you?"

"Why?" Diana asked suspiciously.

"I think it's sweet you are trying to learn new things, but perhaps you should just stick to practicing on me."

"Okay," Diana relented. She walked up to Shayera and ogled her chest. "Nice rack, motorboat them later?"

Shayera stood shocked for a moment, and then spun on Helena, "I am going to (_**bleeping**_) kill you!"

"Shayera, don't hate the player..." Helena chuckled.

Diana hi-fived the other brunette, "Hate the game!"

"**GROUNDED** Diana! You and Helena can no longer be alone unsupervised!" Shayera grabbed the Amazon's hand and started dragging her out of the room.

"Why are you trippin?" Diana squealed as she was led out of the room. "This mean I won't be hittin' it later? 'Cause the Diana is not okay with that."

"God (_**bleep**_)it Helena!" Shayera yelled from the hallway.

Helena laughed once more, and then turned to Dinah. The blonde was staring down her girlfriend. "I can't believe you taught that crap to Diana. What were you thinking?"

"Uhhh, that it was hysterical. Come on, you can laugh. Shayera isn't in here anymore."

Dinah kept a straight face...for about 3 seconds.

The blonde fell into a fit of laughter. "What else did she say to John?"

"Other than telling him that his new girlfriend has a busted grill,and he needed to find a new flavor of Koolaid, not much really. She did yell at him as he stormed off."

"What'd she say?"

"Don't the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!"

* * *

A/N: Silliness I know, but I thought it would be funny to have Diana get a lesson in slang...


	34. More Cultural Bleeping Lessons

Quick note: For Masterofsetio...thanks for the prompt.

* * *

"This is (_**bleeping**_) confusing. I don't get it. What is the point?" Diana grumbled.

Helena sighed. "Diana, you asked me to help you learn new things that were culturally significant. That is what I am doing." Helena paused for a moment, "What did you tell Shayera you were doing?"

"Nothing. I snuck out of the room while she was napping."

Helena snickered, "Wonder Woman has to sneak around? Afraid of the big, bad, redhead?"

"No smart (_**bleep**_). I am not afraid of her, I just choose to keep the peace. And besides, she told me I wasn't allowed to hang out with you unsupervised after the whole slang thing."

"I landed you in the doghouse, huh?"

Diana grinned and looked around. Then she whispered, "Fo' shizzle."

Helena laughed and then turned her attention back to the task at hand. "Now, pay attention Diana. This is called Face Book."

"I still don't understand why this is fun. I really don't care what anyone is thinking at any given moment. And besides, if I wanted to tell you something, I would just come and find you."

"Diana, this is a way to communicate ideas, catch up with old friends, and post ridiculous pictures and videos. Anyone you friend will see it."

"Again, I think this is stupid. Who the (_**bleep**_) do I need to communicate with on here? It isn't like there are other Amazons on this thing."

"Point taken. Tell you what, let's just look at my page for a moment."

"Whatever."

Helena signed into her account and her home page popped up.

Diana scrunched her nose, "Listen, I don't want to sound like I don't appreciate what you are trying to teach me, but..."

"But?"

"Come on Helena. You don't have 300 friends."

Helena looked at the friend tally and laughed. "I do on Face Book."

Diana looked at the list, and instantly her eyes lit up. "You are friends with the Green Lantern?"

"We don't share messages, but, yes, he is on my list."

"So, if I were to type something in this space..."

"NO! You are not allowed to post anything on my wall."

"Why not?"

"Because it will look like I typed it, and I will be the one in the doghouse if I let you."

"Let me?" Diana cocked her eyebrow.

"Diana, (_**bleep**_), fine. What do you want to post?"

Diana intertwined her hands, flexed her fingers, cracking her knuckles. "Hmmm...what to put on here?"

Helena cringed. "This isn't going to end well is it?"

Diana laughed, "Nope." She began furiously typing.

Helena peered over her shoulder and sighed. "You better at least spell everything correctly."

"Shhhh..." Diana mumbled, "I'm creating a masterpiece." She typed a few more minutes and then sat back. After reviewing what she had written, Diana looked over at Helena. The other woman was shaking her head.

"What? I am going to click share now. Okay?"

"Could I really stop you?"

Diana smiled, "No. Love you Helena." She leaned over and clicked on share. Instantly a message popped up on Helena's wall. It said...

"To all the (_**bleeps**_) that I have friended on here, and you know who you are Lantern, I need to get something off my chest. One, Diana is a pimp. Have you seen the hotness she is tagging? Much props given. Way to tap a primo piece. Honey got a booty like POW, POW, POW! Get it Shawty! Two, if you cross her path, respect a pimp when she talks. She really aint tryin to hear ya busta (_**bleep**_) mouth. All she hears is WA WA WA. Quit wasting her time. Every time you yell, you will force her to keep her pimp hand strong. And if your girl steps up, Diana's smackin a ho. 187 mother(_**bleeper**_)."

"187? Who taught you that?" Helena squealed.

"Dinah."

"When?"

"Right after you taught me all that other nonsense. I like the reaction I get. I am going to have to start using it more often, not in front of Shayera, mind you. That didn't go over very well. I am pretty sure she was pissed."

"Do tell."

"She started fuming around the time I referred to you as part of my Dogg Pound."

"Diana, what did I tell you rule number one was?"

"No quoting Snoop."

"And?"

"How was I supposed to know that was Snoop? I don't even know who the (_**bleep**_) that is. Shayera didn't buy that I read that in a Peanuts comic strip."

"Because that is SNOOPY!"

"And how was I supposed to know it wasn't the same thing? Get better with your lessons, and I won't make those mistakes."

"So this is my fault?"

"Yes."

Helena sat back and chuckled. "(_**Bleep**_) Diana. Just (_**bleep**_)." As Helena finished the thought a beeping sound alerted them back to the computer screen.

There was an instant message flashing at the bottom. It was from Dinah.

"Nice post Helena. I would suggest that you have someone with you at all times. 187? Hi Diana!"

Diana chuckled and wrote back. "Hi Dinah. How's it going?"

"Fine for me, but I just heard Shayera yelling down the hall. I'm guessing you and Helena are in some serious (_**bleep**_)."

Diana turned to Helena. "You are friends with her on Face Book aren't you?"

"Yep."

"(_**Bleep**_). I gotta go. I can't be seen with you."

"OH (_**bleep**_) no. You aren't leaving me alone! I am not safe anymore."

Just then, Shayera busted through the door. "Diana!"

Diana shifted herself behind Helena. "Hi sweetheart. Sleep well?"

Helena laughed and whispered, "Way to keep the pimp hand strong Diana."

* * *

A/N: The moment that I posted the last one with Diana using the slang she had been taught, I instantly thought of a few more phrases that I wished I had used. Soooo...add slang to the suggestion that I incorporate Face Book, and VOILA!


	35. More Random Bleeping Thoughts

Once again, at their favorite coffee house, the group of four women were sitting at a table outside, drinking their various beverages.

"Did you guys ever see Mortal Kombat?" Helena asked after taking a big swig of her caffeine concoction.

"Why?" Shayera asked.

"I was just thinking about the fight sequences. I loved the movie; I just think they could have done a better job casting Sonya Blade."

"Which one was she again?" Diana looked confused.

"The blonde. She wasn't exactly a good fighter. In the game she's great, but the movie, not so much. Anyways, I was just thinking that if that tournament actually existed, we would sooooo kick everyone's (_**bleeps**_)."

Dinah sighed, "Where is this coming from?"

Helena continued, "Well, I am looking around the table and it suddenly struck me what an amazing group of fighters we are. Dinah, you would have been the perfect Sonya Blade. Of course, they would have to put lifts in your shoes, you are a little on the short side."

"Sh-short?"

Diana laughed. "You are little."

"Well, considering you are an Amazon and tower over everyone else…"

Helena continued, "And then I thought that Diana would have made a great Scorpion."

"Wasn't Scorpion a guy?" Shayera asked.

"Yeah, but that wasn't what I was thinking. Scorpion can rip out people's spines through their necks. Hence, Diana."

"Have you actually ever done that?" Dinah shifted uncomfortably.

Diana shrugged.

Dinah argued, "Yeah, but Diana can't expel fire from her mouth."

Shayera mumbled, "Clearly you have never woken up next to her in the morning."

"I heard that. (_**Bleep**_)hole." Diana chided.

The table chuckled, and Helena continued. "I could have been Liu Kang. I got the moves. That just leaves Shayera. I can't figure out who you would have been."

Dinah snorted, "Hold on. Liu Kang? Babe, you're good, but really?"

Helena ignored the comment. "Sorry, Shayera, but I don't think there was anyone that reminded me of you."

"Sub-Zero." Diana offered.

Shayera stared at Diana incredulously. "Sub-Zero? The ice guy? How the (_**bleep**_) did you come to that conclusion?"

"Clearly I have woken up next to you in the morning and been told no. Ice Queen really." Diana laughed at the small joke she had made. Helena and Dinah grinned, while Shayera rolled her eyes.

"And that got me thinking about what other movies we could have been in…" Helena started up again. "Like the movie Jaws."

Dinah sat back astounded. "Jaws? The shark movie?"

"Totally. How funny would it be to hear Shayera deliver the line, 'We're gonna need a bigger boat'? "

Dinah chuckled, "Funny. But that wouldn't be a movie that I would imagine Shayera would want to be in. Sharks eat birds don't they?"

"Oh, so now you have jokes?" Shayera laughed. "Diana could have been the shark."

"What?" Diana squealed.

Shayera leaned over and whispered something in Diana's ear. The Amazon chuckled, and began trailing her fingers up Shayera's inner thigh. She began humming the Jaw's theme.

"Gross." Dinah gagged. "All I heard was the word aggressive and appetite. I think I am going to be sick."

"Anyways," Helena continued, "you know they were both games, Mortal Kombat and Jaws. And I started thinking about games I used to play on my old Nintendo."

Shayera laughed out loud. "Have you ever seen Diana play Nintendo? Too funny."

Diana scowled. "It wasn't funny."

"What happened?" Dinah asked.

Shayera looked at the Amazon who was starting to fume, but laughed again anyway. "Flash downloaded an emulator for us. Diana got through 3 castles in Super Mario before lodging the controller in the television screen."

Diana puffed, "(_**Bleep**_) that game and (_**bleep**_) the Princess too. She was nowhere to be found. Let her rot in Bowser's castle."

The three other women howled. Shayera, in between fits of giggling, managed, "Do you know how many times we had to plug the controller back in? Diana jumped every time Mario did."

Diana crossed her arms in frustration. "Stupid (_**bleep**_) game."

Helena smiled, "They are great games. What a funny pair Mario and Luigi are. And speaking of pairs or pairings as it were, you guys ever read fan fiction?"

Shayera scrunched her nose, "What's that?"

"People write stories about shows, comics, books, and the characters in them. Thing is, there really are no rules. They can pair up anyone they want."

"Like who?" Dinah asked.

"Well," Helena blushed, "there are some really good stories about Oracle and me."

"WHAT?" Dinah yelled. "What kind of stories? And why are you blushing?"

"I read some good ones about you too Diana."

Diana leaned across the table, "Really? Who do they pair me up with?"

Helena shrugged, "Mostly Batman. Sometimes Superman. I am pretty sure I saw one with you and Flash somewhere."

Shayera scowled at Diana. "Batman, really Diana?"

"What? I didn't write it."

Helena chuckled, "I even saw one with you and Dinah. It was a preggo fiction."

"YOU KNOCKED UP DINAH?" Shayera squealed.

"Shhh…" Diana tried to calm the redhead. "I did no such thing."

"Yeah, you did. It wasn't adequately explained, but it was (_**bleeping**_) entertaining."

Dinah laughed, "Did she at least call me the next morning?"

"OH ha ha Dinah." Shayera pouted a little.

"Babe, please. You want me to start writing about you and I?" Diana asked.

Shayera raised an eyebrow, "What would you write?"

"I have no idea, but I know what I would call it."

"I'm waiting Diana…"

"The Princess and E.T."

"E.T.?" Shayera howled.

Helena laughed, "That would have been a perfect movie for you to be in Shayera!"

* * *

A/N: This is the result of a couple of sweet teas and a slight fever. Not sure if it is as funny as I am perceiving it to be, or if that is the medicine I am currently taking. You'll let me know?


	36. Bleeping Theme Music

Helena sat in deep thought.

Dinah sighed, "Here we go again. Earth to Helena, what are you thinking about now?"

"Mmmm…just thinking."

"About what?"

Helena looked around the table at her companions, and shared, "I was thinking it would be cool to have theme music."

Shayera muffled a laugh, and Dinah rolled her eyes. Diana smiled, "I think that is a fabulous idea. Theme music would be cool. It would announce our presence in a grand way. It could really strike fear into the people or things we are about to face off with."

Helena stuck her tongue out at Dinah. "Thanks Diana. It's nice to know I am appreciated."

Dinah smirked, "Ok smarty, what would you want your theme music to be?"

Helena shrugged, "I don't know. Probably something with trumpets, drums, and a massive bass line."

Dinah teased, "Add the cheerleaders and flag wavers and you have a high school band. I think someone has been watching way too much (_**bleeping**_) Glee."

"Whatever Dinah. It's a good show. I love Mercedes. The pipes on that girl are amazing."

Shayera muttered, "Seems like you have that at home too."

Dinah snorted, "I heard that."

"What?" Helena joked. "I'm sorry did you say something? I think I need to get my hearing checked. I think I might be partially deaf."

Shayera laughed, while Dinah scowled playfully. "You guys need to get new jokes. How many times are we going to allude to me being the reason Helena has partial hearing loss? Really, beating a dead (_**bleep**_) horse…"

Shayera laughed again, "Tell you what, I will lay off the Canary Cry jokes when you stop making Big Bird remarks."

The whole table laughed. "No way Shayera, there are still so many one-liners left in that repertoire."

Diana leaned over, "Ok, Helena gets the band, the cheerleaders, and the flag core. What do I get?"

Helena leaned back in thought, "We need something totally (_**bleeping**_) epic for you. Nothing completely instrumental. Maybe something rap or hip hop."

"Such as?"

Helena cocked her eyebrow, "Diana, I could name a million songs and artists and you would have no idea who they were."

"Try me."

"Fine, Diana, who is Missy Elliot?"

"I happen to know this one."

"Really? Do tell."

"That is the secret identity of the Black Panther."

The table laughed. Helena shook her head in amusement, "The Black Panther is a man."

Diana sat back and crossed her arms, "That's just what she wants you to believe."

Helena bit her bottom lip and snickered, "Ok. Who is Dr. Dre?"

"Shayera's gynecologist." Even Diana couldn't hold a straight face delivering her answer. Once again the table erupted.

"Fair enough." Helena smiled. "How about DMX?"

"This is too easy…DMX isn't a person. It's a sport. People that ride their bikes professionally, although someone will have to explain that one to me. I would love to get paid to ride a bike."

Shayera leaned over and touched Diana's cheek, "Sweetheart, that isn't quite accurate. DMX is a rapper. BMX is a sport."

"Whatever," Diana shrugged, "either way it's stupid."

"You wouldn't say that if you heard his music," Helena started, "in fact I think he does a song that is perfect for your theme music."

"And that would be?"

"Lose My Mind is so you Diana."

"How does it go?"

Helena through up her hands, "Oh no. I am not rapping. Last time I checked I was white."

Dinah sprung to life, "Hold on. There are plenty of white people who can rap."

Helena stared in disbelief, "Name one."

"Eminem."

Diana leaned over to Shayera, "Isn't that candy? Why not just name yourself Junior Mints?"

Shayera giggled and opened her mouth to correct Diana. But the Amazon had a serious look on her face, and Shayera simply acquiesced. "You are right babe. Totally a stupid name."

Helena chuckled, "Name another white rapper then."

Dinah stammered for a minute, "Vanilla Ice?"

Diana lit up. "Wait! I really do know who that is!"

The faces at the table dropped in disbelief.

"No, really," Diana insisted, "he is the guy who fixes up houses on the television. Wait a second, that guy is a rapper? What the (_**bleep**_) does he rap about? Huh. What rhymes with toilet, or insulation?"

Dinah snickered, "Not sure about toilet, but I can think of something that rhymes with insulation."

"What?" Diana queried.

Shayera interjected, "Trepidation, sweetheart. Dinah was going to say trepidation."

"No, I was going to say…"

"Manipulation?" Helena smiled waving her fingers at Diana.

The Amazon sat for a moment, and then blushed, "Oh. What does that have to do with fixing houses though?"

"It doesn't Diana. And hence…" Shayera led Diana's thought pattern.

Diana smiled, "It's stupid too."

"Exactly."

Dinah laughed, "So is this how you go through life? You don't understand something so it's stupid?"

Diana nodded. "It's a great philosophy. Do you know what I do when I encounter stupid?"

"No."

"I ignore it, or I beat the (_**bleep**_) out of it. Since we are friends, I will ignore the fact that you just called me stupid." Diana's face was serious.

Dinah stammered, "W-Wait a second, I didn't…I mean…what I meant was…"

Diana suddenly started laughing. "I'm kidding. On second thought I don't think I need theme music. I am intimidating without it. Plus who gives a (_**bleep**_) if I have no idea who Missy Elliot, Dr. Dre, and DMX are? But the cheerleaders…sign me up!"

* * *

A/N: Just silliness...


	37. Halloween Bleeping Costumes

"Shayera, what the (_**bleep**_)?"

The redhead became a little indignant. "What, Helena?"

"We brainstormed for costume ideas for weeks, and this is what you choose?" Helena waved one of her hands at Shayera's choice.

"If you haven't noticed, Brainiac, I have wings. They are a little (_**bleeping**_) hard to hide."

"I know, but you are dressed as angel for Halloween. It's…"

"It's fine," Diana interjected. "I think you look beautiful."

Helena rolled her eyes, "Of course you would say that. Now, Diana, I have to commend you on your costume."

Dinah laughed. "You would. She dressed as you for the party."

"Not quite," Diana smiled. "I had to let the costume out at bit at the chest. Really, Helena, consider implants."

Helena's eyes went wide as everyone laughed. "Did you just call me flat chested?"

Diana chuckled, "Flat? No."

Helena scowled playfully, "Sorry that not all of us could slap on a blonde wig and pass as Dolly (_**bleeping**_) Parton."

Diana stood stymied, "Who?"

This caused the group to laugh once more. The Amazon stuck her tongue out in defiance.

"Well, my costume decision aside," Shayera started, "who the (_**bleep**_) are you supposed to be Helena?"

Helena looked down at her outfit. "It's obvious, Shayera. I picked another Helena to be this year."

"And which one would that be?"

"Helena Wells. H.G. Wells from Warehouse 13. She's smoking (_**bleeping**_) hot."

Diana nodded in agreement, a wide grin encompassing her face. Shayera looked at her girlfriend. "You don't know who Dolly Parton is, but you know who Helena is dressed as? What are you watching on t.v.?"

Diana's face dropped, "Helena made me watch it."

Helena laughed, "How whipped are you?"

Diana gritted, "Shut it Helena."

But when Shayera turned her back to the Amazon, Diana gave a quick thumbs up to Helena, who laughed uproariously. Turning around quickly again, Shayera laughed as Diana dropped her hands to her sides. The redhead cooed, "It's okay if you think someone else is hot."

Diana's face lit up, "Really?"

"(_**Bleep**_) no!" Shayera laughed harder and turned back to her other friends.

Helena giggled, as Diana reached out shyly and took one of Shayera's hands and kissed the back of it. Turning her attention to Dinah, Helena asked, "And who are you supposed to be? You are hardly wearing anything at all, and it's all…glittery."

Dinah smiled, "Kym Johnson."

"Who?" Shayera asked.

Diana started squirming. Shayera turned to the Amazon. "Spill it. Who is Kym Johnson?"

Diana quickly blurted, "Only the finest woman on Dancing with the Stars."

Dinah laughed as Shayera's eyes went wide again. "No more watching television with these two. They'll have you watching illicit (_**bleep**_) in no time."

Helena mumbled, "Too late."

"WHAT?" Shayera howled.

Helena chuckled, "Nothing Shayera. We would never expose Diana to trashy television. Promise." She moved one of her hands behind her back and crossed her fingers.

"It was only once. And when I saw the naked woman…" Diana started.

Shayera's jaw dropped.

Dinah face palmed her forehead. "Diana, you weren't supposed to tell."

Diana squirmed even more, "I told you she would find out!"

"Because you just told her!"

Shayera pressed her lips together tightly, "What exactly having you been watching?"

Diana looked between Helena and Dinah. Helena mumbled once more, "Go ahead and tell her, but you are now officially disinvited."

Diana stood silent for a moment, and then blurted, "Baywatch reruns, Spartacus, and we are on season 3 of Xena. By the way, Amazons don't act like that."

"Really? That's what you came away with?" Dinah laughed.

Diana insisted, "They don't (_**bleep**_) it. And why Xena hasn't ripped off Gabrielle's clothes, I still don't understand. I about choke on the innuendo."

Shayera laughed, addressing Helena and Dinah, "I am going to choke you two. Stop exposing her to that trash."

Helena shrugged, "It's culturally relevant. Now Diana knows what implants actually are, thanks to Pamela Anderson. And she can now see how Amazons are portrayed, so she is more aware of the stereotypes that people believe about them thanks to Xena."

Dinah laughed, "You are so full of (_**bleep**_). You watch Xena because you have a crush on Lucy Lawless, which is also the reason you watch Spartacus."

Diana started, "Don't forget that Jaime Murray is also on Spartacus. Those two being involved is…"

Shayera faced the Amazon and arched her eyebrow. "Is what?"

Diana stuttered, "I-I don't know. I stopped watching. I didn't think you would appreciate me watching two women…"

Helena giggled once more. "(_**Bleeping**_). They were (_**bleeping**_). You should watch Shayera. It's hot."

"I don't think I would appreciate watching two women who look like you and Diana (_**bleeping**_)." Despite the seriousness with which she delivered the statement, Shayera found the whole thing comical.

"I told you!" Diana squealed pointing at Helena.

Helena softened her tone, "Shayera, the moment boobies were on the screen, your Amazon walked out of the room. She said you wouldn't appreciate her watching other women doing the dirty, and she left."

Shayera softened and sighed turning to Diana, "Really, sweetheart? You did that for me?"

Diana looked at Helena incredulously. Helena silently mouthed the words, "Go with it."

Shaking her head in agreement furiously, Diana looked at Shayera.

The redhead melted. "Aww, babe. I love you for doing that. It's okay. Maybe we can watch it together now."

Shayera leaned into Diana's personal space, and whispered, "I might be dressed as an angel right now, but I promise you will see my devilish side later." She quickly pecked the Amazon's lips and walked away. Diana stood grinning ear to ear, waiting for Shayera to get around the corner. Quickly she addressed Helena, and in all earnest asked, "You weren't serious about being disinvited were you?"

"(_**Bleep**_) no!" Helena howled. "The newest season of the Cathouse starts tomorrow. I'll save you a seat."

Diana giggled with excitement and then took off flying after Shayera.

Helena sighed, "What is she doing? I can't fly. That girl can't stay in character worth a (_**bleep**_)."

Dinah smiled, "What do you say we skip the party, and see what we have on DVR?"

Helena nodded furiously. "Definitely. I have to figure out something first though."

Dinah cocked her head, "What babe?"

"How the (_**bleep**_) is that outfit not falling on the ground right now?" A naughty grin instantly encompassing her face, she added, "And will you be dancing around the room to show me who Kym Johnson is?"

Grabbing Helena's hand, Dinah drug her down the hall to their room. Shoving her down on the bed, Helena was heard squealing, "They do the horizontal mambo on Dancing with the Stars? I really gotta start watching ABC again!"

* * *

A/N: It's been a while, I know. Hope you like it. For "Call Me Ray".


	38. Cast Your Bleeping Vote

"It's time to settle this (**_bleeping_**) argument once and for all..." Dinah looked around the table at her friends. All were paying rapt attention. "No more (**_bleep_**) footing around. Cast your vote. In a fight for all the ages, who wins...Superman or Wonder Woman?"

Flash coughed, and mumbled, "There are some things that need to be clarified first..."

Dinah arched her eyebrow, "Such as?"

"Well," Flash smiled and looked at Diana. Seeing as how she was within arm's reach, he scooted his chair far enough away to give him a chance to run...expeditiously. "Before I can vote, I need to know one thing. Is it her time of the month when this fight occurs?"

Most of the table's jaws dropped and all eyes went to Diana to see how she was going to react. She sat still for a moment, and then erupted with a belly laugh the likes no one had ever heard come out of the Amazon.

The table relaxed a little and there were faint giggles heard, now that all knew it was safe. Shayera leaned over and swatted Flash's arm.

With mock indignation she chastised the other redhead, "Wally, that's (**_bleeping_**) disgusting, and irrelevant."

Wally rubbed the sore spot on his arm, and mumbled, "Says you..."

Helena piped in. "Okay, I'm not a chicken. I'll tell you what I think. And no offense intended Supes..."

The Big Blue Boy-scout smirked and nodded.

Helena continued, "There's no doubt that my girl Diana wins. One, Superman won't hit a woman. Makes the fight pretty one (**_bleeping_**) sided. Two, if he did, he still wouldn't win. Diana is fast, strong, and is an Amazon. What fighting style do they teach in Kansas? Now if it was a corn shucking contest, I'd vote for Superman all day."

Superman for his part laughed. There was no malice in the conversation, and frankly this was only a hypothetical argument.

Dinah shook her head. "That's ridiculous Helena. Superman is faster, and stronger. No offense Diana, because it's by the slimmest of margins. And you're forgetting that Superman can fight. We've all seen him do it. Superman wins."

Helena scoffed, "Please. Yes, he can fight. But Diana has been trained by the elite. And...she is older than dirt, which means she's been doing it a (**_bleep_**) of a lot longer. That has to give her the edge. She's gonna do more than throw punches. My girl is smarter than that."

Shayera chuckled, "Only you Helena would call her old in one breath and praise her in the next."

Helena shrugged and sat back.

Dinah looked at Flash, "Okay, Wally, quit being a (**_bleep_**) and vote."

"First of all, I object to being called a (**_bleep_**). I like them, and you are what you eat, but that's..."

The entire table was scrunching their faces, slightly grossed out at where Flash had just taken them.

"Nevermind..." he mumbled. "Everyone else gets to say it, but I say it, and OH NO..."

Dinah sighed, "Flash, how are you voting?"

Flash looked at Superman and then at Wonder Woman. "I guess Diana."

"You guess?" Helena asked.

"Well, I don't really believe that either would win. Someone would interfere, or one of them would pull punches in an attempt to not hurt the other. So, having said that, I vote for Diana."

Shayera shook her head, "Wally, that makes no (**_bleeping_**) sense."

Flash leaned over and whispered, "Diana can introduce me to Amazons. Superman can't. Hence, Diana wins."

With super hearing, both Diana and Superman laughed. Shayera grinned, and whispered, "Amen on that one..."

Diana suddenly stopped laughing and glared at Shayera. The Thanagarian felt the glare, and turned her attention to her Amazon. She reached over and squeezed Diana's lips together, and quickly pecked them. Instantly, Diana relaxed as Shayera pulled back and flashed her brightest smile.

Silently stewing at the end of the table, Batman finally interjected. "This is the most ridiculous conversation. (**_Bleeping_**) childish really. But I vote for Superman." And with the bold statement, he stood up and walked out.

Helena giggled, "Well, that was enlightening. So it's tied. And not surprisingly enough there are four people left to vote." Looking at those remaining, it was clear the argument was never going to be settled. There was only Lois, Superman, Diana, and Shayera left. it was going to be a tie..."Looks like we're deadlocked."

Dinah waved off the statement. "Regardless, let them go on record. Shayera?"

Helena rolled her eyes, "Oh please. She's gonna vote for Diana. She's (**_bleeping_**) her. Do you really expect her to say Superman, and get cut off?"

Diana smirked, sure of where the vote was going to go.

The Thanagarian scowled, "Well, even if I wasn't (**_bleeping_**) her as you so succinctly put it, I'd still say Diana. No one comes to mind who is more stubborn than an Amazon. Diana would win on sheer tenacity. She gets what she wants."

Diana leaned over and whispered lasciviously, "Wait until you see what I want later."

Superman blushed. Sometimes super hearing wasn't always what it was cracked up to be. Neither was X-Ray vision, as he watched as Diana slid her hand up Shayera's inner thigh, and quickly he looked away. He doubted anyone really appreciated what a Boy Scout he truly was.

Clearing his throat and trying to wipe his mind of what he had just witnessed and heard, Superman offered, "Well, I'm going to vote for myself. I have heat vision, and can freeze things with my breath. I'd like to think that gives me an advantage."

Diana kept her eyes on Shayera, "Yeah, but I have a lasso that no one can get out of. Right Shayera?"

Flash leaned over, "That's so (**_bleeping_**) hot. Is it true?"

Shayera's face was now brighter than Flash's costume. Without turning, she playfully back handed him the face and swallowed hard. She barely managed to nod. Diana's grin became massive and she sat back in her chair. "So I vote for myself."

Dinah laughed, "You two need to get a room. So gross..." She turned her attention to Lois. "Well, that just leaves you Lois. I guess we all know who you are voting for."

Lois smirked and just shrugged. "I think it would be obvious, but if you need me to say it, then, alright. I vote for Diana."

The room went silent. All jaws were agape, and Lois laughed. Superman looked at his beloved with confusion. "Diana? Really Lois? I mean you can vote however, but I just thought...well, Diana?"

Lois patted his arm to try and placate him some. "Diana has a lot of the same attributes that you do. There's speed, strength, and both of you are intelligent. And while you do have the heat vision, she can probably deflect it with her bracelets, and she would probably break out of any ice block you froze her in. It's more than obvious that you both can take a beating and keep coming. Ultimately the lasso sold it for me. If you can't get out of it, or break it, she wins." Diana grinned at Lois, who winked in response.

Lois arched her eyebrow, and openly stared at the lasso. Diana reached down and slid it across the table, smiling with understanding. Lois reached out, grabbed the rope, and then grabbed Superman's hand. "Come along sweetheart. I want you to prove me wrong. No matter how long it takes..."

Superman's eyes went wide, and he had the decency to blush, embarrassed at how bold Lois was being. But then he realized, he was the winner after all, regardless of how any vote had gone. He coughed into his free hand, and then scooped up Lois in to his arms. He flew out of the room with a speed that even Flash admired.

The remaining friends laughed uproariously. Once it had died down, Flash offered, "Seriously, how do you suppose, she, uh..."

"She what?" Diana asked.

Flash leaned in and lowered his voice. "Well, he is Superman, and he probably could, you know, ummm, do a lot of (**_bleeping_**) damage. How do you suppose she, uummm, handles that?"

Shayera shook her head and with a light tone answered, "No one (**_bleeping_**) answer that. There are some subjects that should be left alone..."

* * *

A/N: It has been so long since I added anything to this...but I thought it was appropriate to give you something else to vote on Given today is a day for voting. I know I let them fight to a draw in one of these chapters, but I thought this would at least make for a funny conversation. Let me know if you chuckled...


	39. Bleep Dangerous Situations

Helena sat, bound to the chair she was being held hostage in. Inwardly, she groaned, this was not a great position to be in. But she had lost when they all drew lots to see who was going to be "captured". And since she had lost, she had to allow herself to be taken by the men that the League was now fighting. The ropes that held her in place were tied sloppily, and the situation was insulting to say the least. At any time she could have gotten away, and dropped her bonds to the floor. Instead though, she sat in the chair, arms fixed to her sides and waited. The whole thing had been a ruse to find out where the enemies' base of operation was. And now that they knew where the nefarious headquarters were, it was just a matter of time before the cavalry arrived. So, where were Diana, Shayera, and Dinah?

Helena took in her surroundings. She was being held in a large warehouse, and at a distance, blackened out windows surrounded the building. "Criminals are (_**bleeping**_)stupid…" she uttered. Nothing like calling attention to yourself than kidnapping a hero, and hiding out in a building that screamed, "Hey, over here! Bad things are happening inside." Still, she sat, quiet, and waited. Continuing to look around, she glanced up, and noticed a large glass fixture adorning the top of the roof. It'd be perfect for crashing through. It was probably where Dinah would come from to "rescue" her. "(_**Bleep**_) that woman for taking the glory of that entrance." Helena was a little envious. Silly, she knew, to be jealous of crashing through the roof, but she was the one in the ropes after all.

At a little distance, several thugs stood around, chattering loudly…what to do with her, how they would dominate the world, how they had scored a major victory by capturing a member of the League. "Morons," she muttered. They had no idea what was bearing down on them in the matter of the next few moments. That is, whenever Diana, Shayera, and Dinah decided to show up. "What the (_**bleep**_) is taking them so long anyways?" Helena's patience was wearing a little thin. There were only 10 men guarding her, and they weren't paying any attention to their captive. It'd be so easy for Helena to get away. It'd be easy to get out of the ropes, sneak off into the darkened warehouse, and pick them off one by one while they searched for her panic stricken as she took them out. But Helena's thoughts were broken up with a light tapping coming from above her.

"Finally," Helena mumbled. She looked up, and saw a familiar face smiling down at her. There was Dinah, her girlfriend, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Helena couldn't help but smile inwardly. The cavalry had arrived, and she could finally shake off the ridiculously, and obviously amateurish ties that were meant to keep her from escaping. Dinah blew her a kiss, and then suddenly disappeared. Helena paused for a moment. "What the (_**bleep**_) is she doing (_**bleep**_)it?" Helena whispered exasperated.

Helena didn't have to wait long to get her answer. Dinah suddenly came crashing through the glass, which Helena knew she would have done. What Helena found shocking was that Dinah had no cable guiding her down. The blonde was free falling, belly flopping in her posture, fast to the ground. The men all turned with the crashing and began running to converge on the spot where the blonde was sure to land. But just as Dinah was going to hit the ground, and probably face plant to her death, Helena watched as Diana came zooming through the opening Dinah had created. She flew with all speed and caught Dinah just before she landed, smoothing out her flight with no effort continuing her forward momentum, holding Dinah in place. Before anyone could draw down on them, Dinah expelled the Canary Cry at the group of criminals, and all went flying backwards. Some landed on their backsides in boxes scattered everywhere, some slammed into the warehouse walls. Diana laughed, and slowed down, and eventually stopped, placing Dinah on the ground.

The blonde howled with triumph, "Diana that was awesome! Holy (_**bleep**_) that was a fantastic adrenaline rush! We definitely have to do that again!"

Diana nodded and turned her head in time to see Shayera using the same entrance. The winged Thanagarian lightly drifted to the floor, the fighting all over in one fell swoop. Shayera grinned, and chastised lightly, "You two are in trouble! What part of wait didn't either of you understand?"

Diana chuckled, and walked over to where Shayera had landed. Quickly she pecked the red-head's cheek, and sheepishly offered, "Sorry? But there was only ten. I could have handled it by myself."

Helena laughed as Shayera pouted and began to wiggle to get out of her ropes. But Helena wasn't able to. Every time she moved even slightly, the ropes became tighter. "What the…" she whispered confused. Dinah looked over and noticed that Helena was not freeing herself.

"Babe, quit playing around, and let's go. We have some bad guys to wrangle up, and…Helena?"

Helena looked up, exasperated. "Dinah, I'm trying. These things are getting tighter. I can't get out. I don't understand."

The three other women looked at each other confused. This shouldn't have been a challenge for the Huntress. The only reason they had chosen the tact they took was because Helena had never been in any real danger. But now, things seemed strange. Dinah's face dropped slightly. It was odd, but she was determined not to worry. There was no threat. She walked over to where Helena was sitting, and reached down to untie her girlfrriend. But just as she was about to put her hands on the ropes, she stopped.

Shayera arched her eyebrow, "Dinah? Cut Helena loose and let's get (_**bleeping**_) moving."

Dinah's eyes went wide, her voice becoming higher pitched than normal. "I-I'm trying. I can't move anymore!"

"What?" Shayera shouted. "Why not?"

"I don't know!" Dinah's voice was filled with uncertainty, and panic was beginning to set in. She was frozen in her spot, unable to budge at all. And the more Helena struggled against her bonds, the tighter she was wound in them.

"What in all of Hades?" Diana shouted as her body began moving involuntarily through the air, as did Shayera's. No one in the party was in control of themselves, and things were starting to look grim. Shayera and Diana landed next to Helena's chair, and the two were forced into an embrace. Diana's arms locked around Shayera and neither could move after. The position wasn't uncomfortable, but no one could explain what was happening.

And then, slowly, one by one, each of the men that Dinah had dealt with picked themselves up. Each had a blank look on their faces, no one seeming to move on their own accord. The Leaguers stood transfixed, unable to do anything. The men walked to the center of the room, and stood, all lining up in a horizontal row. Their heads jutted forward, and they seemed to be staring off into nothing.

Helena looked sideways at Dinah, calmly sure that this was their last scrap together, "Whatever happens…love you."

Dinah couldn't even nod her head. She whispered, "Love you too babe. I wouldn't want to go any other way than with you and our friends."

Helena chuckled, despite how she was feeling, "Well, this is bull(_**bleep**_) being tied up while you crashed through the ceiling with Diana catching you last second. At least you got to go out in a grand style."

But attentions were turned back to the men, when a particularly nasty individual took two steps forward ahead of the line. He was a giant of a man, a large scar cutting across his face, making him look much more menacing. "We have been sent to deliver a message." His baritone voice echoed through the warehouse, and Helena imagined the mice were hiding as well. He took a few steps back, and placed his arm around the man standing next to him. Slowly, each of the men in the line repeated the same action, until they were all bracing themselves on each other. Then, out of nowhere, they began kicking their legs in the air, one at a time, doing a terrible rendition of their version of the Rockettes.

The women's eyes all went wide as the men broke out into a chorus of "La, la, la…"

"What the (**_bleep_**)?" Helena blurted out. If she hadn't been confused before, she certainly was now. The impression went on for a few moments, and then suddenly stopped. Next thing they knew half the men fell to the floor on their hands and knees. The remaining left standing moved to straddle their companion's backs.

Suddenly in a round of chorus, they all sang, "HHHHEEEYYYY SEXY LADIES!" The song was accompanied by what looked to be the most nonsensical gyrating by the men, and they rounded out the song with shouting "Oppan Gangam Style!"

Shayera groaned in frustration by not being able to move. The situation had suddenly become clear to at least her. Her body relaxed with the knowledge that none of her friends or herself was in any kind of danger. She laughed as she watched these grown men, known for their nasty reputations, danced around each other, with the oddest choreography. Diana felt Shayera's body go a little limper, and she felt her body begin to respond to her brain. She moved to break away, but Shayera gripped her tight, and shook her head. Diana looked at Shayera questioningly, but Shayera just laughed. "Hon, enjoy the show."

Diana relented reluctantly. And as she did, her mind was clear, and a thought passed it quickly. Understanding now what was happening around them, Diana roared with laughter. Dinah suddenly stood up straight, and felt her mind and body relax next. She too had a thought pass through her head, and her shoulders shook with mirth. The situation had gone from precarious to hysterical in that very moment. Helena was the only left confused and worried at her friend's reactions. This had to be some weird invisible gas affecting everyone's mind but hers. The Joker had really outdone himself on this one. But Helena shook the thought off. There was no evidence that the Joker was involved. So what was happening? The men moved with fluidity to create their line again, rocking their right legs to a beat only they could hear. The line split, with half of the men moving back to their right, and the others moving back to their left. Then Helena's confusion was cleared up. The men had moved to reveal who had been behind all of this weirdness.

And her smile became bright, as Emma Frost and Psylocke moved forward, gyrating a little, laughing hard. The men on either side of the X-Men moved in synchronicity with the woman closest to them. Emma's men stopped and stood still as Psylocke controlled the ones in her proximity. They offered up the strangest moves as they shook, danced, and generally stumbled around to her amusement. And when they had finished, they suddenly pointed to the other line and waited. Emma grinned, and turned, raising her hands in the air, simulating the movements of a conductor instructing her musicians. The men danced around, and ended up facing the backs of each other, and unceremoniously slapping each other's rearends repeatedly. And quickly Emma turned and faced Psylocke. The men went flying backwards on either side, and Emma and Betsy looked to their right and left respectively. Standing at the apex of the make shift triangle was Jean Grey. Her hands were extended out, and she had just telekinetically moved the entire crowd. Her face was grinning, and every one of the women began laughing uproariously.

"(_**Bleep**_)es!" Helena blurted out, still laughing. "What a horrible thing to do! I was seriously sitting here thinking about all the things I was going to have to apologize to God for when I met him. I was pretty sure that the end was near."

Jean took Emma's hand and with Psylocke at her side, the trio strutted up to the other heroes. Hugs were exchanged all around, with exception of Helena, who was still bound to her chair. Emma Frost leaned over her friend, "Helena, get up and hug me. Oh wait, you can't can you?" The tone was playful, and Emma watched as Helena struggled even more.

"This is no way to great your friends Helena. I'm offended…" Emma placed a hand over her heart and mocked being put off. Helena laughed even harder.

"I hate you." Helena spit out between fits of giggling.

Emma smiled brightly, and Helena felt the ropes slide down, and her body completely mobile. She stood quickly and grabbed Emma, and hugged her tightly. She felt her friend chuckle and return the affection. When they separated, Emma nodded towards her teammates.

"You know I never realized how much fun it could be to be married to the strongest telepath that knows telekinesis too."

Jean grinned, "Don't worry Helena, she's been tied to the chair before too."

Emma licked her lips lasciviously, "We're doing that again later."

Psylocke rolled her eyes, "You guys are gross. But this was fun!"

Diana spoke up, "How'd you all end up here?"

Betsy answered, "We called the Tower to find out where you were and Batman told us. We thought we'd come and give you a little assistance. When we got here we saw Shayera floating through the ceiling and thought we'd have a little fun. You like our rendition?"

"You guys are evil! That was so wrong…but absolutely (_**bleeping**_)hysterical!" Dinah offered.

Helena nodded in agreement, "Thanks for not making us dance too!"

Emma shrugged her shoulders, "The night's not over Helena."

Helena sighed, "(_**Bleep**_)."

* * *

A/N: I know this really doesn't fit with how other chapters have been written. I was looking at my stories today, and the urge to write a follow-up to The Phoenix and the Frost hit me. This was the beginning of the first chapter of that story. However, I couldn't think of anything after this that I wanted to happen, so I altered it a little and decided to put it in here. Hopefully it made you laugh regardless.


	40. Bleep Disney Princesses

Once again, the four friends were sitting around a table outside of their favorite café, sipping on their favorite drinks. Much as expected, Helena's thought process led her to some strange places. Noticing the dark-haired woman zoning out, Dinah playfully threw an elbow into her girlfriend's side. Laughing, she asked, "Do I want to know where your mind is this time?"

Helena blinked a few times, and then nodded, "You guys ever think about Disney princesses?"

Diana and Shayera laughed; Helena was always thinking about something randomly odd.

Dinah sighed, but played along, "What about them?"

Helena leaned over the table, and looked at each of her friends. "If you were one of them, which one would you be?"

The other three women looked around at each other and shrugged. Helena continued, "I think, I would be Pocahontas."

Shayera about choked on the sip of her drink she had just taken. "H-How do you (_**bleeping**_) figure?"

"Well," Helena grinned, "we both have dark hair, and we are both devastatingly beautiful."

Dinah snorted, and waived her arm in the air incredulously, "That all? Because I'm pretty sure you are not a Native American."

Helena continued the thought, ignoring the sarcasm. "True, however, I can track like one. It's a (_**bleeping**_) gift really. AND," she raised her voice slightly, "I am rolling around on the ground frequently with a hot blonde." She flashed her pearly whites at Dinah. "And let's not forget that wildlife and nature are my friends."

"Okay," Dinah laughed, "now I know you're (_**bleeping**_) high. What wildlife and nature?"

Helena rolled her eyes and pointed across the table at Shayera and Diana, "Obviously I was referring to them. Shayera is my bird friend, and Diana is the tree."

Diana scrunched her eye brows and pouted, "Why am I your (_**bleeping**_) tree friend?"

Helena leaned over and punched Diana's thigh lightly. Rather than leave a mark on the strong woman's leg, Helena pulled back red knuckles. "Point made I trust?"

Shayera laughed, as Diana conceded the point with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders.

"So," Dinah smiled, "who are the rest of us?"

Helena laughed, "Well, that's where things got confusing. At first I thought Diana could be Snow White just because they have the same hair color." Helena leaned over and whispered to Dinah, "And both are old as dirt…"

Both women chuckled as Diana's face turned into a scowl. Helena continued, "But I had to toss that out immediately."

Diana leaned over, "And why is that?"

With a straight face, Helena asked, "Diana, what would you say to 7 men telling you to cook and clean for them every day?"

Diana's face scrunched in obvious disapproval. "(_**Bleep**_) that!"

Shayera reached over and patted Diana's hand. "It's alright sweetheart. You already are a Princess." She leaned over, and smiled seductively. "Besides, you are way more sexier than any of them."

Diana licked her lips, "And I wear less clothing…"

Shayera whispered naughtily, "Hot (_**bleep**_)! Yes you do…"

"Bbbbbuuuuttt…" Helena interrupted the two lovers giggling conspiratorially, "that doesn't mean that Diana is in the clear."

Dinah smiled, watching as Diana's face went from soft facing Shayera, to intrigued facing Helena once more. "I'm listening…"

Helena leaned back, "It seemed to me that you and Shayera are a pair, so it was necessary to work that out."

Shayera puffed, "Well the only Disney princess I can think of that is a redhead is Ariel."

Helena and Dinah laughed in unison. The blonde quipped playfully, "You wish Shayera!"

"I did think of that Shayera, after all it sort of fits." Helena began to squirm in her seat grinning ridiculously.

Shayera arched an eyebrow, "But?"

Helena exploded with laughter. "Okay, first the hair. I agree. But if you were Ariel, then Ursula would be doing us all a favor by taking your singing voice. Seriously Shayera, you can't carry a (_**bleeping**_) tune."

Three of the four women laughed, while Shayera sat back and folded her arms across her chest with mock indignance. She allowed the laughter to continue for a few moments, and then turned her attention to Diana. "How funny do you really find this?"

Diana stopped immediately and deadpanned, "I don't dearest. Helena isn't funny."

Shayera grinned, leaned over and pecked Diana's lips. "Good girl."

Helena leaned over and continued, "And THAT just proves who I think two really (_**bleeping**_) are…" Turning to Dinah, she spoke, "Dinah, please meet our friends, Scuttle and Flounder."

Dinah sucked in a breath of air, desperately trying to hold in the howl she was sure was coming. She looked at Shayera, whose face had turned red. Dinah wasn't sure whether or not the Thanagarian was pissed, or holding in laughter herself. But within seconds she had her answer. Shayera was almost rolling on the ground, and Diana was right behind her. Wiping at a small tear at the corner of her eye, she choked out, "I can't wait to hear how this is explained…"

Helena smiled, "Wings equals Scuttle. Flounder is brave like Diana. Plus you can insert your own fish jokes here."

Dinah suddenly got quiet and sat with a contemplative look on her face, and leaned over once again. "Flounder was brave?"

Through gritted teeth, Helena pushed, "Shut up Dinah. I really don't want to be fileted. Flounder followed the redhead around…"

Dinah nodded and grinned, and for their parts, Diana and Shayera didn't really care.

"Well," Dinah began, "that just leaves me. I'm definitely Cinderella."

Shayera interjected with a smile, "Oh (_**bleep**_) no Dinah! Not if I'm a seagull and Diana is a fish…"

"Fine. How come?" Dinah asked.

Diana started, "I got this. One, you have never cleaned a (_**bleeping**_) thing in your life. Hard to make the argument that you are Cinderella if you don't know how to scrub anything. Two," Diana looked around the table at smiles, "I'm pretty sure Cinderella was taller than the mice. Not totally positive you would be…"

Helena coughed into her hand, "Shorty!"

Dinah sat stunned for a second and then joined in the revelry. "True. I couldn't be Cinderella. Ever notice how many mice were running around? Breeding like crazy…too many, and we all know mice poop everywhere. And, I am not a pacifist like her. Mean stepsisters get (_**bleep**_)slapped."

"I know who you could be…" Helena offered.

"Who?"

"Sleeping Beauty."

Dinah melted a little, "Aww, babe that's sweet. She's your favorite isn't she?"

"Yeah," Helena leaned over towards Dinah sheepishly, "she is."

Just as Dinah leaned in to kiss Helena's lips, the darker woman pulled back slightly. "But that wasn't why I chose her for you."

Dinah waited…and was rewarded with Helena grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "Seems to me Dinah that Sleeping Beauty would have had some seriously bad breath after sleeping so long…and I have definitely woken up next to you in the morning…"

Dinah sat back huffing, then smiled. She shrugged. "Guess I'll have to settle for not being a (_**bleeping**_) Princess."

"Oh, I don't know about that Dinah…" Shayera smiled conspiratorially. "I'd say you'd make a great Belle."

Dinah looked at her friend who winked. "After all Dinah, you live with a beast that can't read, and traipses around clumsily. Really I'd say you were a saint for staying with Helena. Good luck breaking that (_**bleep**_) curse."

Shayera stuck her hand up in the air which Dinah immediately hi-fived. Both women stuck their tongues out at Helena. Diana offered, "And Helena is the hairiest of the four of us…"

Everyone sat silent for a moment, and then the laughter broke out again. Helena relented, "I can't really argue with the strongest fish the world has ever known! You know, we really should change how we are looking at all of this…" Licking her lips, Helena dropped her voice an octave or two, "Anyone up for helping to redeem the evil queen?"

* * *

A/N: Just random playfulness. I was reading a story about the evil queen on this site, and someone was singing, and this just popped into my head. Thoroughly ridiculous I know, but I have a weird mind I suppose. Hope you had a chuckle or two...and now maybe the muse will let me go back to working on my other story. Where the (_**bleep**_) is Tinkerbell anyways? LOL.


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